A Double Sided Mind

Signed Sealed Delived

Mrs. Robert's would you like to tell the class your take on global warming based on the article we just read. "Huh uh no!" Well why not? You were listening with the class right? "I'm sorry Mrs. Wells, I was asleep so to answer your question no I was not listening. I am so sorry and I will do my best to stay awake if we can try again." Aurine can I talk to you in private for a second? "Ummm of course."

Aurine

Hey I'm Aurine Robert's, A thirteen year old black girl just trying to make it ya know. I attend Barbra Middle school in the city of Detroit with my younger sister Natasha, she's in the sixth grade though. As for me I'll be graduating from middle to high school soon ayeee! Another notch on my belt. I can almost smell my success creeping up on me but it seems as though the closer I get, the more stuff I go through and the harder it is for me. At this point in life I understand that that's a weaker side of me. One that pulls me down into a deep dark depression. One that I don't always fend off successfully. Sometimes, I'm good at shaking it off other times, I'm worse off then where I started. I'm trying to change but it's not as easy as it seems. It's like snapping into a different body. I can't control her and she don't take no for an answer. I just hope that this is apart of my adolescent stage and I grow out of it soon because I know that it just gets worse from here. So getting control now is what needs to happen especially for Natasha. I have to be a better example she deserves it. Anyway let me snap back to reality Mrs. wells probably been talking and once again I got to fess up to not listening. Great! I made it back just in time."

Mrs. Wells

Aurine what's wrong sweetie, you know that you have no room for screw-ups. It's your time now, you understand that. You talk to me about everything and I recognize that you only do things like fall asleep in class and pretend as if you don't need this when you have too much on your mind and instead dealing with your problems face-to-face you find ways to escape. I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong.

Aurine

Alright dig this see Mrs. Wells is my first hour geography teacher. She just want to help. So I give her a little bit of info here and there, she tells me what I need to know from an adult's perspective and I continue my day. Even with the fact that I let her in a little she tends to read me a lot. I do my best not to tell her my secrets but it seems as though she has me figured out. She's just waiting for me to open up, well that's not going to happen today. If I was to decide to tell her what happened this morning I could risk the chance of child protective services being involved and risk the chance of me and my sister splitting up. I can't take that chance. In this case I will be solving my own problems. I'm not sure how that's going to turn out for Natasha and I but only time will tell. Oh yeah! I gotta answer her question before she thinks I'm ignoring her. Well my sisters just out sick today and I'm worried about her that's all. That's a bold face lie and I'm giving the hardest fakest smile, I hope she goes for it."

"That's it, Are you sure that's all Aurine?" The squint in her eyes and the twisted up look in her face told me that she knew something was wrong but I stood my ground. Yes I am sure that's all. "Well you know that you can talk to me about anything, I'll be here when you are ready to talk. As for your sister she's going to be just fine. You will be too don't let it get to you just relax, I'm sure all is well you will see. Now go back to class and promise you won't fall asleep." I promise.

I managed to make it through my classes just like I promised. Now I'm on my way home to Natasha. I hope she's doing better but for some reason I got this weird feeling in my gut. It's like the closer I get to home the more weird I feel. Crazy right? See this morning I woke up to Natasha screaming and when I found her she was in her closet with blood running down her legs. I asked her what happened she seemed in shock. After she decided that she was ready to talk to me she said that she had got her period but my gut says that she lied. She didn't even look me in the face she stared at the wall. That's not like Natasha and right then and there I knew something was wrong but she's too afraid to say. So I guess I will have to get down to the bottom of this. Right now it's just Tasha, Ma and I but my mom has been addicted to cocaine for 4 months now and we are no longer her responsibility her next fix became her responsibility. She doesn't even try to feed me and Tasha. She's barely ever here. She just lost her job a few weeks ago, so things aren't that bad yet but I know that it will be soon. I can feed us with my grocery store job but for what I get paid I can't take care of no house. I'm trying to prepare us for the worst but I would have never been prepared for what was coming next. This 40-minute walk to school and back be killing me but I'm two doors down now it's time to find out what's really going on with my sister. As I approached the house I see a car that I don't recognize parked out front but it's probably just Ma, tricking with some man to get her next fix. I wish it wasn't true but that's just how it is. Until she change we just have to deal with the hand that we were dealt. Once I got up close I didn't see anyone, so I assumed maybe someone just parked in front of our house to go next door or something. At this point I'm trying to be positive. Ma would never have anyone in the house with Tasha or would she? My eyes would have never been prepared to walk in and see my baby sister strapped to a single twin mattress. While my mom sat next to her rubbing her hair and telling her that it will be over soon as she was being penetrated over and over again by some man. I went nuts before my mom started drugs, She always told me there was a small handgun strapped to the vent by the front door and don't ever hesitate to use it. At this point I needed no one to encourage me to shoot her or him. I didn't recognize anyone but my baby sister begging me with her helpless eyes to help. Ole boy didn't even have a chance he was busy trying to put his pants up when I pulled the trigger. I sent a bullet straight to his chest. He went down, then I aimed it at Ma and with no hesitation I fired. Those memories began to play. She wasn't always a bad mom, before drugs she did her best to put us first and it showed. Now I have to live the rest of my life with this moment. The day I shot my mom. I'm not even sure if she died. I picked Tasha up packed a few things and we bounced. I knew of this house that no one lived in. My friends and I used to play in it for fun but right now it is all I have and the only thing I know of. Little did I know that with making all of these rash decisions. I would put our life in a tornado for turning events that I'm not even sure that I'm ready for.