Harley Quinn and Deadpool: Dangerous Love

A challenge surfaces

The new Avengers facility was a white warehouse with the logo on the roof surrounded by perfect green grass and a small forest area. The Avengers gathered in a conference room, a rectangular room with a large window at the end of the room showing the green forest. In the center of the room, a long, black conference table with black swivel chairs around the perimeter. The team entered the room where Nick Fury stood at the window. 

"Glad you could make it" he said, smiling at the team. Steve, Tony, Natasha, Bruce, Thor, Clint, James, Scott, Wanda, Sam, Peter and the Vision sat down at the table and paid their full attention to Nick. 

"Okay guys, a new group of villains has come to destroy New York and to threaten you in particular. They plan to take over the city and terrorize the citizens" Nick said. In his hand he had a controller and pressed a single button which activated a holographic screen which showed the group. "They call themselves the 'Suicide Squad.'" Images of the Suicide Squad flashed through the screen, showing sinister images and the team members. 

"It's just another group of bad guys, what makes this such a big deal?" Scott said, uncrossing his arms and pointing to the group.  

"Well Scott, I'm glad you asked. These guys have a detonator or a 'dooms day bomb' underneath the city and if it goes off, it will kill everyone in this state. This bomb only affects the human mind, not the surrounding area" Nick said, showing a blueprint of the bomb. "I have asked for support in this mission and only one has responded... Let's just say he's very enthusiastic about this new job." The team leaned forward, keen to know who this new member was. 

"Who is it Fury?" Natasha asked, raising her right eyebrow. 

Nick looked to the door and shouted "Come in", although there was no knock. The team looked towards the door, waiting for the new member to emerge. The door swung open dramatically and Wade Wilson walked into the room hollering. 

"Woo-hoo look who just joined the Avengers motherfuckers!" he said, waving his arms in the air. The look on Clint's face changed from interested to confused. 

"Language! Nick, what is he doing here? Is this some kind of joke?" Steve said, standing up suddenly. 

"Hey Captain Dorito, surprised?" Wade said, walking towards Steve. 

"Steve stand down" Natasha said, holding him back. 

"Steve, believe it or not Wade holds the secret to defeating this 'Suicide Squad' and the detonator" Nick said. He walked to where Steve sat with his arms behind his back. 

"Got a secret can you keep it-" Wade sang sarcastically.

"WADE! SHUT YO ASS UP" Nick shouted. His voice echoed sharply throughout the room. 

"Jesus Jules, stick to your metaphors" Wade murmured, crossing his arms. He pulled up the mouth part of his mask to catch a breath. 

"What happened to your face?" Thor said, his face expressing shock. 

"Oh you know, mutation experiments to cure an almost incurable disease. Normal backstory shit" Wade said, smiling it off. He knew inside that it hurt and he could never get his revenge back on Ajax after he messed up his face and promised a cure.  Thor nodded and went back to minding his own business. Peter couldn't take his eyes off of the terrifying scars.

"Wade, tell us your plan" Tony said, crossing his arms. His mouth formed a smirk, like he knew Wade's idea was going to be terrible. 

"Alrighty then, ladies and gentlemen" Wade said, pulling a piece of paper out of his pants. The team groaned in disgust. "What? I have underwear on! I hope." He unfolded the paper to reveal a crayon-illustrated plan. 

"Okay, first, we assemble. But I'm the one that says 'Avengers Assemble' because this is my plan." Wade said, pointing to the poorly drawn team. 

"Why does the hulk look so tiny compared to us?" Rhodes said, nudging Tony in the elbow to laugh along with him. But he didn't so Rhodes looked ridiculous. 

"And why does mine and Natasha's breasts look abnormally huge?" Wanda asked, glaring at the merc. Wade chuckled under his breath and went on with his presentation. 

"Alright, second, we make our way through the city to epic explosion music and walk in slow motion towards danger, Thirdly we-"

"WADE!" Nick yelled, giving him a glare "Wade, we've talked about your useless rambling and I am already on my last nerve. Get to the point like I told you."

Wade sighed and went back to his plan. "Okay. Step five. We get into the drains under the city and locate the detonator, which most likely will be guarded by some ass hat guards. We get through them then get to the detonator. We need someone to get into the locked door that protects it and open it from the other side, I nominate ant pants over there." Scott glared at Wade and looked around at the team. 

"Is there the chance that he could die from doing this?" Natasha asked, looking at Scott concerned. 

"Oh trust me... He might if he gets squished... So Brucey, no smash for you humanoid broccoli" Wade said, pointing to Bruce. Bruce huffed and Natasha shot him a look. "Next, we need to deactivate the bomb. Tony, I believe you know how to deactivate boom boom machines." Wade turned to Tony and he got out of his seat. 

"Wade, your plan is... let's say, simple. Yes, I know how to deactivate a detonator. But out of all of this, what are the remainder of the team going to do? You've really only allocated two of us to specific jobs" Tony said, the team nodding their heads in agreement. Wade crossed his arms and groaned loudly. 

"All we need, bossy iron pants, is for someone to get through the door, deactivate the detonator and defeat the Suicide bitches. I was just adding awesomeness to this bullshit plan"  Wade said, not visibly rolling his eyes. The team awed, looking at each other in understanding. "You've got to be fucking kidding me."

"Language Wade" Steve said. 

"Avengers, assemble" Tony said, making his way out of the room. 

"Hey! That's my line you asshole!" Wade said, watching everyone follow Tony out of the room. Nick stood at the front of the room, holding back his laugh. "Fuck you Frozone."