A New Start

Chapter 10

The past few days felt strange. I couldn't get all the bad thoughts out of my head and all I wanted was my best friend and my mom, which was impossible because both of them lived incredibly far.

I felt as if Harry was acting distant from me. He could tell I constantly had a lot on my mind and would always ask how I am and if he can do anything to make me feel a bit better. But then he'd dissapear with his friends. I had mixed feelings about his actions; I knew he cared but he didn't do much about it.

I closed my book and went downstairs to the kitchen where I was greeted by Anne who was cooking something wonderful. The kitchen smelled amazing as usual. I sat down in the same spot as I usually did and watched her take some type of pot roast out of the oven. She set it on top of the stove before sitting across from me.

"Are you okay lately Ellie? You seem a bit... off". Her voice was a lot softer and comforting. It was nice that I did feel comfortable with her, and that I felt okay enough to tell her anything.

"Hm.. Yeah I'm okay. It's just I think I'm a bit homesick. And I'm still trying to adapt to everything. It's all... so new. I never thought I'd actually be in England or anything."

"You'll get to see your mum soon don't worry. She promised to visit once a month at least, so don't get too upset. And we do have a week long holiday coming up soon, so hopefully she can come then."

I smiled at her and thanked her for being so caring. I didn't mention any of the thoughts I've been having. It's not like they were bad.... It was just really terrible memories I kept holding onto, and that made it seem impossible for me to move on with my life.

I helped Anne set the table for only two, since neither of us knew where Harry even was. I grabbed my phone from the pocket of my baggy sweatpants and texted him asking where he could possibly be. It was after all a friday night and Harry was always going out and hanging out with his friends which just wasn't for me, so I wouldn't be surprised if he came home at a god forsaking hour.

I sat with Anne at the small dining room table and picked at my plate. I wasn't really hungry, but I didn't want to be rude so I took a few bites and then excused myself to go to my room. It was only around eight at night, but I was exhausted so I decided to go to sleep.

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I woke up in the middle of the night panting, screaming, and crying. I had a terrible nightmare based off of the many thoughts that were constantly roaming in my mind lately.

It took a moment for me to adjust and realize Harry was holding me and trying to calm me down.

"Ellie please, it's only a dream. I'm right here it's okay", he whispered as he wrapped his arms around me and placed kisses against my temple.

I buried my head in his chest and continued crying. It took a few minutes for me to calm down and feel normal again. I pulled away from his grip and got up from our bed.

"I need a glass of water or something, I'm going down to the kitchen", I mumbled.

I walked out of the room without him having a chance to comment and walked down the stairs, turning on each light as I did so. 

I walked over to the fridge and pulled out an ice cold bottle of water before leaning against the counter and gulping down the cool liquid. I stood there for a few moments shuttering over the nightmare still lingering in my mind.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I saw Harry standing in the doorway. Worry was splashed over his face as he slowly made his way towards me.

"Ellie... I'm really worried about you. You aren't happy here. Maybe you should go ba-", I cut him off before letting him finish his sentence.

"No, I'm not fucking going back to that hell hole. It's the reason for all the bad stuff. Not like you would care. You just go out with all your friends and don't come back till god knows when."

"W-well I just... I just don't know what to do anymore okay?! It seems like you can't be happy anywhere! Stop being a selfish bitch and get it together already".

I held back the tears and walked swiftly past him and down the hall. The only problem with living with Harry was that I felt like I had nowhere to run to, so me being incredibly stupid, I threw on my shoes and jacket and walked out the door.

I walked at a fast pace down the road as I mentally cursed myself for not taking a warmer jacket. What the fuck even just happened? Sometimes I wonder if Harry just has terrible mood swings because I can't keep up with him. One moment he's extremely caring and charming and another moment he makes me feel horrible about myself.

I was snapped out of my thoughts for what felt like the thousandth time that week when I felt someone grab onto my arm.

"Where the fuck are you going at this hour?!", slightly screamed Harry.

"Somewhere; I don't know. I just need to clear my head", I mumbled as he towered over me.

His face suddenly softened and he pulled me into his chest. "I'm sorry for snapping at you. I know it's been hard for you here and I haven't been helping like I said I would."

I noticed that I was crying again and brushed my damp cheeks against the fabric of his shirt. He had no jacket on, and I can just imagine just how cold he was.

"A lot has been on my mind... Kind of haunting me I guess. I think I need someone to talk to it about", I whispered as I looked up at him.

He cupped my cheek and placed a soft kiss on my lips before pulling me to his side and wrapping his arm around me.

"Well I have time right now", he said before continuing down the road.