For Emily

For Emily - 1

Her chest tightened as her eyes wattered. She never thought she would've seen the day that it would happen, but it did.

Failure

Such a strange word, isnt it ? Wasn't she supposes to be the master of everything, to have her life in control, to never go back to that period of vile thoughts and broken ribs ? Well, it's too late for that . She had done it, she failed. If is wasn't for it, she wouldn't have touched the damn thing all along.

Why the hell did she touch it ?

What was she trying to prove ?

To whom ?

Was she so mentally challenged that she had to prove herself, someone else that she was completly sane ? Was she even a little bit sane at all ?

Her cheeks burned from the salty tears escaping her light brown eyes.

Her head hung low, out of shame. She couldn't believe she had done it, once again.

She tried to breath in, breath out a couple times before she finally looked at the small puddle forming under her.

Her own blood.

Silence filled the entire house, only her footsteps were heard. She place down the knive and threw her right hand to take a towel. More blood fell on the ground. She cleaned it, uncomfortable. She lifted her head and looked at the pictures hanging on the walls. She felt like the people on the pictures were judging her, scolding at her even though they had smiles on their faces.

Halfway trough cleaning she stopped, heard a noise from upstairs. Someone had woken up and were now making their way downstairs.

She panicked, cleaned faster, cleaned the knive, put it in place. Her hands were shaking the entire time. As if she was walking on eggshells, she exited the kitchen by the back door, her face immediately in contact with the rain.

She sighed in contentement as she closed her eyes, forgetting about everything.

Tomorrow was going to be the day she would make up for all the damage she had caused.
......................................

The sun made its way trough her window, slowly. She felt the rays on her skin and woke up. Her eyes adapted to the light inside her room, she sat upstraight, loosened her muscles and yawned. Was she ready for this, no of course no. But she knew it was the right thing, for Emily. She couldn't let her down. After all it was her fault Emily was where she is now. All because of her. She needed to do this for her, for Emily.

She went to the bathroom and changed into her school uniform. As she made her way downstairs, she heard Jonathan's shower running and wondered how come he was already awake. Her confusion disappeared as she saw the date on the calendar hanging on the wall.

May 24th

Her face softened. It made sense. She entered the kitchen, made herself some breakfast. Her mother came down kissed her head gently, putting in that kiss  all the love she had for her broken daughter. However she didn't move. She continued eating her cereals.

The time had arrived where they had to go to school and her younger brother Jonathan was already outside, turning the engine on.

She slipped into the car and hugged his back on her stomach, tightly.

« Why are you so nervous ? » Jonathan asked after 5 minutes of them driving.

His eyes and heart were hurting, he hated seeing her like that. He hated it. She was the only thing that kept him going to school and getting an education. If it wasn't for her, he would've been drinking or partying every days. He loved her so much, she was his everything. But right now she was hurting and there was anything he could do for her. He wished he could do something, anything to remove that pain she felt.

She wasn't unaware of the love her brother had towards her, many times did she feel the worried glances he was giving her every two seconds. She then looked at him with a reassuring smile, putting all the energy and effort into that smile, for him.

I'm fine.

I'm gonna be fine.

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The first bell rang when she got to the back of the classroom, she was always so damn early, it scared the hell out of Joachim. When she took her usual spot, next to the window, he saw her resting her head in her palm and staring outside.

The view wasn't that pretty, there were tall trees, nothing fantastic. He noticed however her vision clouded with excitement. He wanted to see what she was staring at, she would always do that for no reasons. He looked over her shoulder, maybe was there something he wasn't seeing. But nothing. There was absolutely nothing.

For the first time, he opened his mouth and asked : « What is there so fascinating that you can't stop looking at ? »

He wasn't sure it made sense, but he said it neverthless. He expected her to tell him something extraordinary, or even dumb. But no sound came out of her mouth. Instead he saw her frail figure moving slowly up, then down.

She was taking deep breaths. He suddenly got afraid he had bothered her or even got her angry so he quicly muttered : « Never mind » and looked straight to the board.

The class quickly filled itself with people, loud teenagers. By the second bell ring, everyone was inside the classroom, they were all standing up, greeting the teacher.

They all acted like perfect angels, with innocent smiles on their face. She just looked at them, anger boiling up in her throat. Her hands balled into a fist as she tried to set her breathing on a good tempo.

All of this would soon be over.

She would do it.

For Emily.

L