jungkook;
I ran and ran and ran, not knowing what I'm running away from, not knowing where to go, seeing pictures of you everywhere, a few men in professional suits going from door to door, your name escaping casually from their mouths.
It disgusted me, a few tears staining my cheeks as I glared at every lamp post where your picture was stampled, a sight that I have been seeing for the last three months, words that I could never find it in me to read, so once again, I looked away, hands clenched on my sides as I ran as fast as my legs could, the strong wind splashed against my face, sending my hair to wobble up in the air.
"Jungkook!" A familiar voice called– familliar but not the one I've been deeming to hear for weeks, not the voice that would always send tingles in my every vein, that voice that feels so good as it passes through my ears. That voice– yours.
But this time, it wasn't.
I doubled my pace, running faster than before, pushing past people after people, ignoring their wierd stares and their mad remarks as I shove each of them all away, afraid.
My eyes roamed the familiar street, the place that held such happy memories that now have became the cause of my grief, remembering how those memories consisted of nothing but you, your cresent eye smile and your billion dollar laughs that have once echoed through the walls of this neighborhood, waking each souls for each words that escapes your mouth.
I found myself on my knees, hot tears running wild against my cheeks, losing the strength to support myself, heart shrinking at every memory recalled in this place, how magical it felt and how bright it had once lit me up.
You were my sunshine that had always made my day, the moon to my every night and my star to help and guide the way, so tell me, what would I be if you went away? Have you even considered how empty I would be or how ruined I might feel? You left, without even saying goodbye. You're selfish, i should hate you, but you're too beautiful to be loathed, too perfect to be forgotten. Such a masterpiece— park jimin.
See? No matter how much you killed and wrecked me, I still think you're the most beautiful little piece of shit. No matter how shattered my heart can be, I still think you're divinely stunning, no one dares to compare,
and I'll forever hate myself for that.
So I cried and cried and cried, letting all of my frustrations and pain combined, eyes locked on that one piece of paper hanging by the lamp post, my heart clenching as I recalled how you smiled that day– the last day I ever had the privilege to hold you and witness how bright your smile can be.
You were a great masterpiece, the one who brought beauty in my ugly and desolated world, the one who painted me and made everything majestic, the one who gave me color. And when you left, everything was lost, once again, I became a blank canvas, dull and lifeless.
That adventure I've been dying for to have, you say? You were wrong, because you were the adventure I've been looking for all along. You were that great dream I've been wanting to reach ever since. I never picked flowers randomly, all of those signifies my deep desire for you, my mouth when itself can't have courage to speak.
When it comes to you, I never did things randomly.
I was your bestfriend, but you were my world, for you it was just an adventure but for me it was a day spent with you. For me, it's like a dark corner illuminated by the great sun, for me it was happiness, for me it was you, it had always been you.
But it was never me, isn't it?
My eyes travelled into the dark sky filled with thousands of stars, eyes scanning everywhere to find the largest out of all,
"Do you see that big star, kookie-ah?" I could still hear you voice booming through my ears, your soft and angelic voice, remembering the night we sneaked out to stargaze in the middle of the high way, hands resting against our heads as we gazed at the many constellations above us.
"Just gaze at that star whenever you miss me," I remembered you smiling, your eyes turning into cresents, a sight that would always leave me breathless.
"I would never miss you, hyung.." I recalled myself joking, a playful smirk playing on my lips as you smacked me in the head, but a little smile hidden on the corners of your lips.
I remembered the comforting silence that followed afterwards, the both of us gazing above, traffic lights illuminating our faces. "but seriously, kook." You were the first one to break the silence, your hand slowly intertwining against mine, I don't even know if it was on purpose or not– I didn't care. "If you miss me, just look up,"
"Why?" I could still recall the confusion in my voice as I looked at you, the same time you looked my way, breath hitching as I hear the fast beating of my heart, losing myself in the depths of your eyes.
You smiled, giving my a hand a soft squeez, a certain look on your face as you gazed back at me. "because I'd also be there watching–wherever I am."
We were never together, yet we acted like one. Other than friendship, we weren't labeled anything more, and the mere thought just suffocates me, a cruel reality that I could never run away from. "So just look up, kookie and I'll be there watching over you." and there, you managed to kill me and revive me all at the same time, confused whether it'll be the end of everything or the beginning of everything, messing up my mind as I try to fathom the words.
"Always," I recalled the sincerity and adoration laced in your voice as you whispered, a certain tone that made me happy and scared at the same time.
Come back to me, park jimin.
