Half Hearted

Chapter Thirty Seven

| Ash |

He was losing his mind. Ever since they finished breakfast, he'd been racking his mind trying to come up with a way to tie any loose ends. No more attachments.

But now, swinging alongside her, he couldn't help but keep turning his head. He memorized every detail on her, thanks to his photographic memory. It was a bittersweet moment, and she seemed like she was on cloud nine.

"So why do you like swings so much?" He asked, forcing his eyes back to the ground.

"It's just something I've grown to appreciate ever since I was a kid," she stated. "How about you? Anything you liked as a kid?"

Ash thought back to the memories at the beach with his parents. "Not a very happy childhood for me."

Teresa frowned, suddenly letting her legs go limp and letting the swing subside. "Not one thing?"

It took him a while to come up with a valid answer. He didn't want to lie to her on his last day - though as paradoxical as the circumstances were. "Peter Pan."

She giggled quietly, "why?"

Shrugging, Ash replied as-a-matter-of-factly. "Just the thought of never growing up."

The two of them stayed silent, and all that was heard were the silent creaks of the rusty metal swing.

"Hey, Ash?"

Ash turned his attention to her, "yeah?"

"Is it true you're leaving today?"

His eyes grew wide at this, but before he could deny it she saw the shocked expression, proving it more than enough to let her know it was true.

| Teresa |

My heart sunk.

The emotional battalion kept waging war.

He was spending his last day in Canada with me.

But he tried hiding it from me.

His eyes gave it all away. He didn't want me to know.

How would I not have known? It was all over the internet.

"When's the flight?" I asked, trying to keep a monotonous tone.

Ash checked his watch, then replied with a sigh, "in two hours."

I nodded slowly, trying to ignore the pangs in my chest.

What would happen tomorrow? I would resume back to my usual routine, added the fact that I now worked with Grant Gustin?

Thinking up of something to say, I was about to try teasing him about me visiting London, when he spoke. "Listen," he started off on a serious note. I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Don't believe everything you read off the tabloids, alright?"

Raising my eyebrow at him, I slowly nodded my head. He continued to elaborate on his point. "While I'm there, there's going to be a lot of talk about me doing shit that I don't do, so don't believe those loads of crap."

"Then what should I believe?" I asked, my tone resonating to be involuntarily mellow.

He ran a hand through his jet black hair, "I-I don't know... There are some things you don't know about me, and I'd like to keep it that way."

"Okay..." I trailed off, the swing stopping since I didn't bother moving my legs for momentum anymore. "So-uhm... This is good bye, then?"

"Don't fucking say that," he crinkled his nose, shaking his head at me. "That sounds ridiculously cliché."

"Then what do I say?"

"I don't know," he flailed his hands in the air, standing up from the swing. "Say something like 'go fuck off' or 'I'm not going to miss you.'"

"Alright," I agreed, then stood up as well, walking closer to him and looking up to face him. "Go fuck off. I'm not going to miss you."

Ash gave a small smile before I noticed his eyes drop down to my lips.

The heat, though the temperature was negative fifteen Celsius outside, was intense between us. He was radiating warmth, and I felt it on my face as my cheeks turned a rosy shade.

It felt like we'd stood there for about an hour before he wrapped his long arms around me, enveloping me in a hug that lasted for more than a minute. I hugged him back, and he cradled his face into the crook of my neck. It sounded like he even took a sniff of my hair - and thankfully I showered right before, so my hair smelled like strawberries at the time.

He was the first one to gradually pull away, and his face was merely inches away from mine. But something inside him seemed to hold him back from outright kissing me, and I felt disappointed.

Was he not attracted to me? Was he still in love with Cheryl?

I knew that we'd only known each other for less than two months, but still I felt something for him more than I'd ever felt for Tyler - my childhood best friend of over eighteen years.

"I'll be off then," he whispered, taking one step back to further himself away from me.

"Right," I pressed my lips in a thin line and shoved my hands into my pockets. "I'll wish you well on your flight."

Ash nodded with a grim smile, and then turned around and started walking away.

I had to compose myself before going home.

Now that he was gone, life felt like a fraction again.

{ Author's Note

And by the way, don't take that last sentence to heart.

Teresa's vulnerable and stupid at this point, but you aren't - you don't need someone to make you a 'whole.'

This I had to learn by heart, and although I urge you not to cry about some worthless asshole who broke your heart, I'm quite sure you'll feel better once you realize - for yourself - that you yourself are worth it.

Keep your head up.

~ QB }