And When That Light Goes Out AOT

6

When I woke up again and managed to open my eyes, my head was pounding and my neck ached. I shifted my body so that I was lying on my side and noticed that I was back on my bed. It was still dark, and the the occurrences of a few hours ago were still fresh, though slightly fuzzy, in my mind. Levi must've put me to bed after I passed out.

Levi. My eyes adjusted to the dark within minutes and I scanned his bed to see if he was still awake. Unsurprisingly, he was. He leaned against the wall the way that he had when he had sat in my bed, and it took me a few moments to realize that the pale red glow near his face was from a cigarette.

"Wait, how did you get that? Cigarettes are forbidden." I, myself, sounded like I had been smoking for at least 75 years. My voice was completely shot.

"Connections. They're cloves, don't smell like regular ones."

It was true, they produced a sweet scent that I had never associated with cigarettes before. "Can't the nurses smell it anyway? It's a weird smell for a psych ward."

"When I say connections, kid, I mean that I have connections in the staff. I'll be good for now, for tonight. You need some?"

I shook my head and winced at the sharp pain that shot up my neck. "I don't smoke."

"Let me know if you reconsider," He took a long drag and exhaled slowly and carefully toward the wall away from the door before he continued, "How're you feeling now? You slept for three hours, barely moved at all. Must've taken a lot out of you."

"My neck hurts and I sound like what you'll sound like in fifty years."

"And yet you're still a sassy little brat."

I smirked and he rolled his eyes, unsuccessfully holding back a hint of a smile. "You're probably going to have some bruising around your neck, you know."

"Yeah. I'm hoping that it's low enough that I can try to hide it with the collar of my shirt. But... Levi, could you... Not tell anyone? I don't want to be here any longer than I need to be and this would probably get me on 24-hour watch or something."

I heard a sigh so faint that I wasn't entirely sure if it was a sigh or just another exhale. "I won't say a word, Eren. But I mean it, don't do it again." He furrowed his brow, contemplating something, then asked, "This is purely out of curiosity because I really couldn't give less of a shit, but during group you spaced out while Armin was talking. It was the ocean, wasn't it? Was it the water that triggered you?"

I nodded and flipped onto my back to stare at the ceiling. "It was when he was talking about how deep the ocean was. The river under the bridge was dark like that. Remember the night you woke me up? It was a dream about Mikasa drowning and I saw that again while he was speaking. It just brought back all of the stuff that I dealt with the night that I... Tried to kill myself." Even after a week, it still felt so uncomfortable to admit that I had attempted suicide, but Levi nodded and caught my eyes with a look of understanding.

"I figured. You know, it sounds like that sister of yours loves you to death, from what I've heard about her. Don't take that for granted. You're lucky to have family that loves you, no matter who that family happens to be. Not everyone is that lucky."

"I know... I feel better now, though. Everything just hit me at once and it was hard. I'm okay now. But... What about your family, Levi?" He looked away and silently took another drag on his cigarette. A hint for me to drop the subject. "Okay... Well, you never told me about everyone in the ward, you know. Especially Sasha. Think you could entertain my curiosity before I go back to sleep?"

"Do I look like I'm just here to entertain you?"

"Please?"

"Ugh, fucking brat. Fine. I live to serve you, after all. Now, just realize that I don't work on the ward and all of this is just what I've heard. It's all very bare-bones, too. Ask them if you really want to know about them. As I said before, you just need to be careful around the nurses. Patients here are generally pretty open about themselves, though.