If I Stole Your Heart

Chapter 6: Rumors

I felt whispers crawling up my neck as I walked across the campus, back to my dorm. I knew they weren't really there and that I'd only started to imagine them because of what Jamie had said. I'd felt them all week. Paranoia was not something I regularly experienced and as I stepped through the front doors of the dormitory I could feel it weighing down on me.

It was a free period for me, the only one I had throughout my entire schedule, and I had decided on spending it stuffed in my room. It was the only way I was assured I wasn't going to run into Jamie.

A few juniors and seniors lingered around the lobby, talking loudly. I kept my head down and walked up the steps to the long hallway that would lead me to my dorm. I felt phantom eyes on me and heard phantom words being spoken. Even as I opened the door to my dorm and shut it behind me, they were still there. Waiting outside.

I sat on my bed, my bag falling on the ground at my feet. The room was cool, making goosebumps crawl up my arms. I grabbed my jacket from behind me and slung it across my shoulders. Letting out a sigh I pulled my ipod and headphones out of my jean pockets and stuck the buds in my ear, pressing play. Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Know by the Smith spilled into my ears, putting a small smile on my face as I laid down.

"I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows I'm miserable know." I closed my eyes and hummed along, waving my hands in the air to the beat. If someone were to walk in I would've been embarrassed, but I didn't care. I could feel heart beating with every breath I took and it calmed me, if only momentarily.

The sadness usually came when I was left with my own thoughts, like now. I put in the music and I was able to vanquish it for as long as the song lasted.

When the song ended I felt something trickle down my cheek, sliding down and off my jaw onto my shirt. It was strange how unnoticed tears could become.

***

Around lunch time the silence had gotten the best of me. I grabbed my bag from the ground and zipped my jacket up just as the door opened and Roman, Sam, and some kid I'd never seen before stepped in the room. I noticed Roman casting glances at the new guy and something sparked in my chest. I couldn't look at him, especially since I'd heard he was gay as well. I ran a hand through my hair and pushed past them, shutting the door behind me.

I stopped in the hallway, my breathing heavy.

"That's Greg." A soft voice, Sam's, spoke up from behind the closed door. My anger was unjustified, but just like with my sadness I could not control it and it wouldn't go away. I pulled the straps of my back pack through my arms and walked down the hallway, passing by people and ignoring them completely.

All the lights had been turned off in the hallways since most students would have been going to class or eating. I wasn't bothered by it though.

The lobby was practically empty, only a handful of students were there and most of them had taken residence in the small sitting area, books on their laps. I looked over at them and instantly regretted it. Jamie sat in the chair facing me. He looked up from his phone and our eyes locked. If there was a god he was fucking cruel. Jamie smiled, a predator's smile. There was nothing friendly about it.

I turned my head quickly and practically ran out the doors. I gulped in the fresh air that rushed forward to greet me. I felt every part of me shake. I'd given too much power to Jamie, and he knew it. He used it.

I stared ahead at the sloping green hill and the parking lot beyond that, as I tried to compose myself. I felt like I could cry, like at any moment I would snap in half at any moment. The pressure and the stress would become too much and-

I heard the door open behind me and I knew without looking who it was. I heard him sigh, even that sounded like he was amused.

"Greg, why'd you run from me?" His voice was quiet, but confident. "I want to talk to you." His hand landed on my shoulder and squeezed, not hard enough to hurt but it wasn't comfortable.

"What do you fucking want from me?" I turned to face him, shaking off his shoulder. He was smirking, his eyebrows drawn together as if he was confused. Jamie crossed his arms across his chest and looked down at me.

"I just told you-" He spoke up. He was almost grinning now, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"No. Jamie, what do you want from me?!" Maybe I hadn't meant to get loud but that was what had happened. "You know what I am! I'm just waiting for you to tell everyone. It's killing me that it has to be like this. I need my best friend." I could feel my cheeks getting wet. "Dammit." I whispered, wiping at my face.

"I didn't do this to you, Greg. You did it to your fucking self." His smirk was gone and his hands hung limp at his sides. His face was unreadable as he looked down at me. I couldn't meet his eyes because he was right. Why did he have to be right?

I was the first one to turn away. I was always the first one to turn away.

***

I had to get away. I didn't give two shits about whether I missed class or not, I just needed to get in my car and drive for however long it took me to feel better. I walked to the parking lot, pulling my keys out of the side pocket of my bag.

I didn't know where I was going as I walked there and I still didn't know as I got in my car and drove away from the school. I knew there was something I needed to do. Someone I needed to talk to.

I was driving with the subconscious intent of going to them and I didn't even realize it until I had pulled into my driveway. There was no going back now, no wimping out because I knew I would never tell them if I didn't do it now. Right this second.

I shut my car door and walked up the steps to my house. The door was unlocked, like it always was when my parents were home. I took in a shaky breath and stepped inside.

"Mom! Mark!" I heard shuffling to my left in the kitchen and footsteps coming out into the hallway where I was.

My mom walked through the kitchen, Mark at her heels, and watched me quizzically. I closed my eyes and breathed in, opening them slowly. "What are you doing here, sweetie?" She crossed her arms and stepped closer to me.

I put my hand up for her to stop and she did. I could feel stinging tears at the back of my eyes, but I didn't let them come out. I blinked fast and started speak, my voice sounding hoarse even to my own ears. "I can't help this so please don't get mad at me. If I could change this I would."

"You're scaring me and your mother, Greg. Just spit it out." Mark said. I didn't pay him any attention, just looked straight ahead at my mother. She had always been there for me. She'd cried with me. She'd held me. She'd loved me, and I wasn't sure she'd continue doing so after I told her this.

I could feel the tears break through. "I'm gay."

A/N: Trying to update more regularly. Sorry :(