If I Stole Your Heart

Chapter One: Confessions

I'm straight, I told myself as I looked into the bathroom mirror. My eyes had started to crinkle at the sides and I could feel how hard it was to say those two words. They'd been true for me all my life, but now I wondered if something was changing. Something deep inside of me.

I wrapped my fingers around the cool edges of the bathroom counter and leaned closer to the mirror.

"I am. Straight." It was all forced. The words, my feelings. "Fuck." I breathed out, sighing and letting my head fall onto my chest. "Fuck fuck fuck." I could feel the tears welling up and threatening to spill from my eyes. I wasn't going to cry. No, you didn't cry when confessing your heterosexuality unless you were lying, but I wasn't lying. I couldn't be lying.

I turned away from my reflection, letting myself relax for a moment. I would be fine. I could push down the feelings I didn't want. I'd been doing that for years. Because I was most certainly not gay.

***

"Greg, bud, what's up?" Jamie was sitting across from me in the cafeteria, his cereal forgotten. I tried to stop myself from showing my annoyance, but Jamie caught on. "You look 'bout ready to pop my head off. Did I do something?"

"No, I'm just tired that's all." I pushed my glasses up, and let my eyes wander around the cafeteria. It was practically empty, but the few people that were here were mostly silent. My roommate, Samuel Jones, was sitting next to Roman, his hair sticking up in odd places. I could feel my stomach doing flips, a common feeling whenever Roman was present. I turned away before my eyes could stare at him any longer at him. I could chalk this feeling off as just a need to have a new friend. Maybe I just wanted to be friends with Roman? It was a horrible jump from what I really felt, but anything was better than admitting to something I wasn't allowed to feel.

"Oh, okay. We should probably get going." I forgot Jamie was even there and I cursed myself for getting lost in my thoughts too easily. Jamie didn't deserve that and I didn't have the right to be a shitty friend.

I offered to take his tray up as pay back, but he refused. Jamie was too nice sometimes, but I couldn't complain.

It was warm outside so I pulled my gray jacket off and slung it over my arm. I waved goodbye to Jamie as I went off to English and he went back to the dorms for his free period. He smiled back at me and ran to catch up with some of the kids on his floor.

I was alone, separate from the laughing and talking of the students around me. I'd always felt as if my thoughts and feelings wouldn't ever be put to rest. I'd go the rest of my life with this confusion messing up my life. I tried to stop myself from going to deep into myself and just focused on making it to English in time.

Since it was the last week of school I was still stressed over finals and the possibility that I would have to do this year again. It would absolutely suck ass, but I had faith in my grades and the teachers' love for me. I just wanted to get out of here. Spend the summer in a book and not have to think about anything else. Anyone else.

I spent the rest of the day flying through the exams I had that day. When I finished the last one I turned in my paper and asked if I could leave. After negotiating my way out of the class I found myself running across the lawn of the school campus, back to my dorm. I knew Sam would be there and I was hoping with everything that was in me that Roman wouldn't be with him.

Of course, I was the most unlucky person in the whole of the world. Roman sat on the desk chair next to both of the beds. His hair was gelled up into a small quiff and he was tossing a ball up into the air and catching it, nonchalant, as he spoke to Sam. They both looked over as I walked in. Roman dropped the ball and it rolled on the ground, coming to rest at the tips of my shoes.

"Hi." I said, breaking the awkward silence that had fallen over the room. I went to my side of the room. A bookshelf was set up next to my bed and everything was neat and it all had a place. Sam's side of the room was almost identical to mine, except there was no bookshelf and his walls were covered in posters for different movies is never seen.

"Hey, Greg." Sam said, Roman smiled. I had to look away before they could see the fierce blush that wanted to show. I was just here to pack up the rest of my things, then I was going to leave. Go get dinner or something. I'd probably hang out with Jamie in his dorm.

"I'm just packing up a few things. I'll get out of your hair soon." Sam laughed and I smiled playfully.

"You're alright man." I always felt comfortable around Sam. It was strange though. He was gay and I was questioning whether I was or nor. That might have been why he made me feel so welcomed.

"What books have you been reading lately?" It came from Roman and I found myself stumbling upon my answer. Small take had never been my forte. Especially if that small talk was between the person who had me questioning everything I thought was true about myself.
***

I found Jamie sitting by himself in the cafeteria, a sandwich in front of him. His nose was stuck in a book and I smiled to myself softly.

With a surge of bravery I went to him.

"Can I talk to you in private, Jamie? It's sort of important." I asked. He nodded, his eyes widening. I took his arm and led him out of the cafeteria. We walked along the school yard, the sky's brilliant orange casting different hues through his hair. I stopped us as the people started to disappear and the only souls insight were the two of us.

"I think I might be bi." I mumbled. Something strange flooded through me. I could only describe it to you as joy. Immense joy.

"What?"

A/N: Hello! This chapter is like a taste test, if you will. I've got so many ideas for this book and I'm so excited to see them come to light. I'm posting this chapter because I'm just so excited and I can't wait any longer.

To the people who are reading One Thousand Paper Cranes, this chapter takes place in Greg's junior year so Eliam won't be here quite yet, but he will be here.