I Don't Know Where I'm Going, But I'm Going. Are You Coming With Me?

Two Sides, One Destiny

I don't get myself anymore. I think we all go through that moment when we ask ourselves, 'Who am I?' or 'Why am I this way?'.

My love for God has been so obvious throughout my life, but the question still stands … Who am I?

I'm His daughter, I know that. And He has great plans for me … I know that. But I'm curious about who I am. Because when I look in the mirror today I see a girl who has found everything she ever needed in Him, but then I see the old me too. She's trying to break through and there are moments when I don't act like the child of God.

I won't pretend to be perfect because both He and I know that is definitely not the case. I'm anything but. I just wish that I were able to be perfect for Him …

And I can't. And that thought alone makes me wanna cry out. Cry out to Him. Cry out to the corrupt world that has managed to create a corruption in me as well. A technological glitch, a mishap in my being. I don't understand, why can't I cancel out the part of me I don't like?

Why is it still there? After I try, it comes back. Begging me for freedom, gnawing at my skin, placing it's cold lifeless finger tips on my flesh, pushing hard to get through. And all I can do is fight it.

Let me share with you, whoever is reading, even if it's just one person.

I don't have a love for this life. For this physical life. No, I am not suicidal, never will be. But I don't see death as death, but a gateway to eternity with my Father, who raised me.

When it comes I won't be afraid to face it, but if this part of me, that so badly wants to free, gets as it wishes … Well then I won't be with my Father but with His enemy. In the pit. I'm not one to sugar code things that are true. And I realize many Christians do, they don't speak of Hell.

Well guess what, Hell is real and it's where you go when you don't go to Heaven. There is no purgatory nor is there a limbo or whatever you call it. There is God and His angels and the devil and his demons. Simple.

And this life is a bridge to the real life or the real death, we choose what side we're on. And there is a part of me yearning for the sin, for the evil because it tastes so good … But the wise part of me, the part of me that understands my Father loves me and will never give up on me … Well that part is pushing me on and telling me not to let go. Because honestly, this entire life we live is a test and during this test there is a storm trying to push us to quit. The storm ends when we end and when we finally go to our 'destination'.

And when I feel like giving up; giving in. My Father, who loves me so much and has kept me going, reminds me why I held on for so long. Him. For what He has done for me and I will not let His death be in vain. I refuse.

This life may not be easy, but whatever. He never promised that this life would be easy, but He did promise that He would bring those that still sought Him and lived for Him although the bad stuff reached our chin and we felt the last hopes slipping away into a sea of darkness … He takes us out of this life and into a life that will be easy, joyful, beautiful … And I, I know when I'm in Heaven with Him and look back at my past and my old tribulations, I will chuckle.

It was never really that hard because He was always there, you know? He is always there. And living this life for Him. It will always be worth it.

We all have a bad side. But there are those who give in into it's sweet promises and those who don't. Which are you?

God bless you all. <3

And if you're like me, just remember. The devil maybe strong but God is stronger and since God is on our side, well … Guess whose gonna win? ;)

Love you and have a blessed day!!!