My mom never payed attention. Stumbling in at around 5 am, (an hour later than when she was expected) she went straight to Aaron. After sloppily kissing him goodnight, she headed upstairs to her room. I went to follow her, but Aaron grabbed my arm.
"I'm sorry, ya know? I just couldn't help it. You're so damn attractive. Oh, and don't tell your mom. She wouldn't believe you anyway." He whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes begging him silently to just let me go to sleep. I just need sleep. After what seemed like an eternity, he let go and I ran up the stairs crying softly.
It continued for months.. I didn't want to tell anyone, but Nicole had to know. She had to have heard my tears late at night. I don't blame her, I'm glad he went after me instead of her.
I'm angry. I'm so angry just thinking about it. Why didn't I fight back? Would it have even mattered? The what if games are a deadly thing. When dad died, mom said never to play it. "It's only gonna break your heart more, and nothing will ever bring him back." She would repeat over and over, trying to hide the whiskey on her breath.
The second bell rings, signaling that I'm late. I grab my bag and slip out of the bathroom, heading to the attendance office for a pass.
A man of about 30 was the attendance officer at the high school. He was skinny with short jet black hair. He reminded me so much of an older Christian. When he wrote my pass, I walked to first period thinking back to that first night. Playing the what if game.
When I walked into English class and everyone stared. I felt my face burn red as I took a seat in the far back corner. I hate when people stare at me. There's this guy who looked at me and smiled. God damn, he's hot. I bite my lip. No! No guys.
His name is Mark. He's so tall and tan. He has light brown hair with the most amazing smile I've ever seen. Shit. He just caught me staring. I look away quickly, perhaps too quickly, and glance at the teacher. What was her name? I can't remember.
When I finally walk home I noticed a note on the counter.
Hey kids. Went out on a date. Don't wait up. Fix whatever for dinner gotta work tonight. -Mom
No love what so ever but I guess I should be used to it by now. Dad was always more of the loving type. I noticed Christian and Nicole weren't home yet so I started to daydream about Mark. What if we went on a date and he kissed me? I've never had kiss. Except with Aaron. Oh yeah..
I go and grab the hamburger out of the fridge and began to open it. Upon seeing the raw meat, I got sick to my stomach. Ugh. There's that awful taste again. I almost didn't make it to the bathroom.
Oh and before I forget, Aaron left my mom in July. After forcing me to have sex (I hate that word) 23 times. He said that my mom and him weren't clicking anymore and he needed a change. Maybe find another little girl to rape... No. I can't think of that.
My mind ran to a daydream of Mark saving me from Aaron and my mom. On a white horse. So cliché. Oh no. What am I getting myself into? What if..?
