Teen Idols And Happy Meals

Hot Coco And Cages

Jacen’s POV

In the drugs, I saw God. I also saw the energizer bunny selling meth to Bert and Ernie, so the validity of my hallucinations was certainly questionable. While their significance was debatable, their accuracy was not.

When I imagined Tarzan swinging from vines in an Armani suit, the Italian silk of his tie shined just like my father’s. And then I saw Michael, and it was like going back in time. The swirling darkness of his eyes, the frantic stubble across his chin, the polished gleam of his blade; everything was conjured up to the letter.

And when I saw Nikki – she looked real too.

My body had become my prison – a sugary cage that chained me up in a haze of hallucinations. My mind was a stone cell, surrounded by walls of false security, and through the one window – I saw Nikki.

She lay, like a discarded doll with broken limbs, up against a plain beige wall. Beneath the wild chocolate net of her splayed hair, her eyes were closed, her lashes brushing gently in the hollows above her cheekbones. The pale pink leather of her jacket matched the shade of her parted lips, where blood had dripped from her forehead, a motely of black and blue, to stain her soft mouth. She looked like an avenging angel, weary from battle.

I knew she wasn’t real, but I loved her anyway.

“Nikki,” I coughed out the word. Each letter scraped my throat like burning sandpaper – there were only five of them – five little letters. And two of them repeated. Of course, her name had always been more to me than letters.

I sat up, feeling vertigo grab me in a suffocating vice grip. I inhaled sharply, watching as the room around me spun like a tilt awhirl. I was in bed, not my own of course, with only a small inkling as to how I had arrived there.

My bare feet graced the cool surface of polished wood as I pushed myself into a standing position. The whole world slid and slanted like I was on a sinking ship. At the end of the tilting tunnel, I could still see Nikki. I blinked, hard and slow, and forced myself to focus on her.

“Nikki,” I choked. My body – my cage – was sluggish with drugs and I had to grip my temples to keep my head from rolling right off my shoulders. Darkness crept into my vision, like an invading demon, but I fought it, and carried on.

And then, I was there - before Nikki - crashing to my knees like a wave curling against the shore, violent and inevitable. I knelt there for a moment, staring at the Nikki my mind had conjured. To be honest, I was impressed that my imagination had been able to replicate her beauty so finely. Even her front teeth, where they peeked out of her parted lips, were ever so slightly, ever so endearingly crooked.

“Nikki,” the name fell from my lips as I leaned forward, reaching for her. I wasn’t entirely surprised when my hand found purchase against the slick material of the jacket that concealed her shoulder. I assumed I was half dreaming – caught in the middle of another startlingly accurate hallucination. Personally, I didn’t mind this one.

“Nicks, wake up,” I said, my voice sounding grainy and far away as I gave her shoulder a gentle shake. “Just, just – open your eyes. I need to see your eyes. Nikki, it’s me. Jacen.”

Her breathing gave a slight start as her eyelashes began to flutter, like birds taking off in flight. It took a few tries for them to open fully, revealing the eyes that had taken over my life. Honey brown, like liquid amber, clear and honest and beautiful – and all mine.

Even if she wasn’t real, I was content to pretend.

“Jacen,” she rasped. Even her voice was perfect – every lilt and curve of her words copied to a T. She pulled herself up into a straighter position up against the wall as she regarded me through muddled, blinking eyes until suddenly they brimmed with realization. “Jay – oh my God.”