When You're Blue

An Open Letter To My Little Monster

I feel like I am supposed to be making whatever the heck I have mean something. Like I should be starting a blog, raising money for charity, or coming out and taking about it to my peers. But its hard. I know something is wrong with me, but my parents won't even accept or acknowledge that something is wrong. They treated it like a physical sickness, like they can put a band aid on my feelings and give it a kiss and all will be right with the world. They couldn't and wouldn't accept that something might be wrong with their perfect little angel.

Whenever I refer to it or acknowledge it, the get mad. Like ignoring the pain in my stomach will make it go away. They act like they can't deal with it, when I do everyday. When it happens I have these steps: 1. What was the trigger? Sometimes its remembering something embarrassing or a side comment that hit a little to close to home, or it can be self consciousness. 2. What is happening? Does your stomach hurt? Are your cheeks red? Are you feeling sad? Usually all of the above apply. 3. How can I make it stop? This is the hardest step. Taking deep breaths doesn't do shit, thinking about other things only provides temporary relief, exorcize occasionally works because the pain in my thighs is more prominent than my stomach and since my parents don't acknowledge it that is were my cures stop.

Since can't talk about my little monster, I'm going to talk about LGBT. With the Gay marriage becoming legal and The world spread with pride, the topic is very over discussed. But coming out is still one of the strongest things someone can do. They have to face the denial of their parents and they have to accept who they are. Come to think of it that is very similar to having a little monster. Like people's feelings, the monsters can be big or small, white or black, female or male, or have no gender at all. Both have to learn more about themselves and or their little monster. Both have to accept themselves, and accept that others my not. They come out to their parents in hopes of their support, but sometimes positive reactions are hard to come by. Here I am talking about my little monster again.