I'll Be Your Last

A new beginning…

“Well, this is it,” I said because I needed to say something.  Mom and I had just finished up my dorm room after a few hours of adjusting and moving. I’d still probably move a couple of things around later, after she left. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the room wasn’t absolutely perfect. She’d worked so hard on it with me even though I was more than strong enough to set it up on my own and she knew it. She was struggling enough as it was.

Mom’s eyes were shiny with tears. “Where did the time go? Seems like yesterday you were little, chasing me through the house to show me what you did in school with your little pigtails flying and now…”

She was going to make me cry. I knew it.

“All things considered,” I said, trying to choke back tears, “I’m actually pretty grateful we’re both here to see this day.”

Mom grabbed me and hugged me hard. “Caroline, I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I’m going to miss you, too.” Carefully, I hugged her back. “But I’m not that far away and I’m going see you all the time. I promise.”

We held each other for a moment, before Mom pulled away. She smiled and melted my heart, even though the lines around her eyes stood out as little reminders that she wouldn’t be here forever. There was a touch of silver in her hair at the roots because she hadn’t had time to get to a salon lately. I could hear the sound of her heart pounding in her chest and I couldn’t help wonder how many years it would keep beating.

No, I wasn’t going to start worrying about the future again. Not right now.

“I’m so proud of you, Caroline,” she told me. “I know your Dad would be too.”

I nodded. I hoped he would be anyway.

“I’m going to go,” she said, grabbing her purse by its strap from my bed. “If you need anything, call me. Call me anyway and tell me how things are going. Come home whenever you want to. If I’m not there…”

“I know. You’ll be out doing your sheriff thing.”

Her smile faded a little at that. “Just remember something for me. You’re my daughter and I love you. I know there were a lot of times I wasn’t there when you wanted me to be. I had to support us. But it didn’t mean that I didn’t love you.”

Once I’d been a brat. I used to bitch at her and bitch to my friends about how she was so into that job and I didn’t matter. Truthfully, I never really believed it. Did I feel cheated at times? Yes. Had I been lonely? Yes. And that loneliness pushed me to make a lot of bad choices back then. It had made me desperate to find love, friendship.

Time sure had a way of changing things.

“I know that now,” I replied. “I love you too.”

With another quick hug, Mom left, closing the door behind her.

“This is it,” I said to my empty room.

I’d left home. I was about to start college. Another milestone reached.

But as hard as I fought for those milestones, I couldn’t help but feel that they didn’t carry the same weight now that I was a vampire. As a human, graduating high school, going off to college – they were once in a lifetime events. Now? I could go to college or high school dozens of times if I wanted to.

But it was the first time I’d ever gone to college anyway. Right?

Sighing, I set about adjusting the room a little now that Mom was gone. I moved the bed a little closer to the window. It didn’t matter to me if it were centered or not. I enjoyed feeling the sun coming through the windows, wanted to wake up that way when I was able to sleep in. For a vampire, being able to navigate in the sun at all was a privilege and one that I was grateful for. Thanks to my daylight ring, I wasn’t a prisoner of the day.