Suicide? (A Larry Stylinson fanfic)

Chapter 1

TRIGGER WARNING

Louis' point of view

Should I, what if, why, it's the same bullshit each time. Worst of all, your strong... If I was fucking strong I wouldn't have cut, I wouldn't have attempted suicide, I wouldn't have cried myself to sleep every night. I'm not strong, nor will I ever be. I don't like being called lucky, if I had of been luck, I would have died in that hospital bed, not stuck with my own horrid thoughts, the darkness, the bullies, I would have been away from it all. Everyone always asks why I do this to myself, and I don't respond, and I never will. The only time I will respond is to my dear friend Harry. He's all I have left after my parents died. He's the reason I keep living, he's my only friend. Honestly I love him to death, once I found out I was gay, I came out and he was the only friend who stayed, he didn't treat me any different, I was still his best friend. I've known him since he was 6 (I was 9). We always had sleep overs and we went to the same school and he only lived down the block, now we own a flat together. The flats a decent size, 2 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. 1 bathroom in each bedroom and one by the kitchen. It's a nice neighborhood, I don't talk or go outside much, only when me and Harry play footie, or when Harry grills food, sometimes just to look at the stars.
Harry and I will always be there for each other, we can't be separated. I've grown a liking to him over the past year and it's been rough, it's just how perfect he is. Harry likes to make the plans, he takes the more male role. Sometimes I feel too feminine, my hair feathers, I have big blue innocent eyes, my thighs are full and my butt is huge, and Harry loves it. Even though Harry says he loves it, I feel like he hates it... When I look in the mirror, I see an ugly, pudgy boy and then I see my scars... They look hideous but I can't help but do it, I deserve the pain, I deserve to suffer. Now here I am, crying my eyes out, Harry and I have just have got into a fight. A fight about me, He said I looked beautiful and I said I look hideous. He's upset that I think so lowly of myself. Now all that's going through my mind is He hates me, He hates me, He hates me. I don't blame him, how can he love me, when I don't even love me! I can't take it anymore. I stood up and walked over to my dresser and picked up my blade and put it against my skin, and let me tell you that the metal  felt so cold against my skin, I just couldn't wait to feel the pain. Just then Harry barged through the door and he looked at me in shock. He then stormed over to me and took my blade and walked into my bathroom and threw it into the loo and flushed it down. I was shaking as he looked at me and his eyes were a vibrant green. He then walked up to me and he hugged me tight, the tightest hug he had ever given to me... He sobbed into my hair and I cried into his chest.

"I'm sorry" I said and continued to cry into his shoulder.

"I love you..." Harry said...

At that moment everything froze, 'I love you' he then cupped my face with his large soft hands, and looked into my eyes... All I could do was shake... I was so scared, nervous, so surprised...

"Say something... Please..." He sobbed harshly.

I melted into his hands and said "I've been loving you..."

His eyes softened and he smiled at me. And he let go of my face and picked me up bridal style and sat me on top of him on our couch. He then cuddled me and played with my hair. He then put his hand on the back of my head and pulled my face closer to his and he glanced at my lips then my eyes and back to my lips and kissed my lips ever so softly. I put my hands on his neck and straddled his hips. I kissed him back and he bit my bottom lip and I whimpered and he then released my lip and kissed my lips and licked my bottom lip asking for entry and I allowed it... Our tongues wrestled for dominance and his one of course and he set his hands onto my bum and smacked it, hard. I moaned into his mouth and he stopped kissing me and giggled... I looked at him and blushed.

"Aw, baby Lou has a kink..." Harry said.

"Yes and I have many more, daddy..." I said.

Harry groaned at my words and now I felt Harry Jr. Underneath me. Jesus is he really this big???

Harry thrusted his hips up onto my as and groaned. I decided to grind down and oh my, that made Harry Jr really happy. He moaned and he went to take off my pants.

"I'm not ready, I'm sorry..."  I said my eyes beginning to water.

"Oh babe, don't cry, it's okay... You're worth waiting for...I'm sorry for pressuring you." He said, cooing me...

"You didn't  pressure me... I'm sorry just maybe we can work our way up to that stage..." I said, beginning to shake out of anxiety...

"Yeah, besides I want your first time to be special, not on a couch... Also just because we can't have sex doesn't mean we can't do other things..."  Harry said while smirking.

"Yeah..." I said, blushing...

"That being said... Would you, Louis Tomlinson, make me a happy horny young and inlove teenage boy and be my boyfriend?" Harry said.

"Yes I will Harry Edward Styles..." I said and pushed my lips against his and I've never felt any better...