Year One After The Good Life

The Beginning Of Hell

Most people say "Sicks and bones may break your bones but words will never hurt you" I use to believe that old saying, but it turns out. With the weak people it was all a lie.

My name is Nicole, and this is my story.

When a was a little girl, such a bright and happy girl. My mommy left my daddy. I was 5 years old, I'm now 14 and I'm just not the same. 

I'm sad, lonely, angry, confused, over nothing it seams like. Some days I want to die then others I want to live to the fullest. What I do know though is that there is a tiny part of that little girl left inside me but I cant find her. 

I never really understood how I got like this, I mean one day I just became so sad. Then all the self-hate came along. Then the cutting, then the looking at myself in the mirror wish i was smaller.

I would stand there, in the bathroom for an hour or more obsessing over the fat on my arms, legs, face, stomach, neck... just everywhere! I would even cry sometimes because i hated myself that much.

I always think about why I hate myself to this day, and I guess I can figure it out.

It all started when mom left daddy, I was pretty close to him. So after mom left daddy, me and my sister Mikky had to come with, we moved place after place till we got to a town called ChapValley.

Where my Grandma and Grandpa lived, we saw them almost every weekend and I loved seeing them! But moving meant a new school, I was 7 when I got to the elementary school in ChapValley.

My old school I never got picked on so I was aware of bullying then but the first day of school, the most popular boy decided to get everyone to hate me so after that i had a hard time making friends. Luckily i made one friend for the hole time i was in grade 3.

Her name was Klarissa, we talked in class and over the phone but we never hung out at school because she wouldn't let me play with her and her friends at lunch. So everyday i sat by the classroom door outside waiting for the bell to go to let us in.

I didn't make a real friend till grade 4, her name was Sam. We became best friends! She was awesome. But all the two girls who I use to talk to I no longer talk to. Klarissa used me for things, and Sam is now one of my bullies. 

But in grade 5 or 4, my Grandma has passed away from stop-less bleeding in her brain. So I was becoming very sad everyday.

After that then came middle school, that's when the real bullying started. I was still friends with Sam for grade 6 and part way through grade 7. But, I she wouldn't hang out with me either. 

So i had to go outside and walk around or sit by myself. I still remember when I was walking and the popular girls would poke me with sticks and call me little piggy.

I use to go home crying everyday, the school did nothing about it. My mom just listened and that was it. 

Grade 7. I had moved to my daddy's over the summer and then started going to school there. All I remember was getting notes put in peoples lockers saying it was from me saying I secretly loved them, also getting beaten up in the girls locker room by who i thought was my friend by she secretly hated me. 

So I moved backed to ChapValley with my mom and sister in the middle of the school year. Everyone had still hated me, they didn't even notice i was gone. 

But then I noticed something was different with my sister..