Forever and Always

Chapter 22: Waiting

A/N : So you guys might hat me for this chapter but please don’t stop reading because I swear the end of the story will turn out really well.  Also I didn’t have this edited so sorry for any mistakes.

I felt a shift in the bed while I was sleeping and I suddenly wasn’t warm anymore.  I forced myself awake and pried my eyes open in time to see Niall headed to the closet.  I silently got out of a bed and came up behind him to wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his back.

“I don’t want you to go.” I mumbled into his skin.  He turned around to hold me as he spoke.

“I know baby.  I don’t want to go either but I have to.  It’s only 2 weeks.  I’ll be back before you know it.”

“2 and a half weeks that’s almost 3 weeks, that’s almost a month!” I exclaimed becoming a little over emotional.

“Calm down babe, it won’t be as long as it seems.  You can call me if you need anything at all.  Besides, like you said you went five years without me two weeks will be a breeze.”

“I know I just don’t have a good feeling.”

“What do ya mean?”

“I don’t know. It’s nothing, forget about it I’m just hormonal.”

I sat on the bed as he got dressed and followed him downstairs as he got ready to leave.  We never actually said goodbye.  We just held each other until the driver came.  He gave me a long kiss and left without either of us saying anything so that we didn’t break down.  I was feeling mopey so I went back to bed after he left since Maura wasn’t coming until tonight. 

I was woken up mid-afternoon by the need to vomit.  I had some minor cramping and spotting but the doctor had said that was normal so I wasn’t worried about it.  After the morning sickness had passed I decided to get something to eat but was overcome by an unbearable pain in my stomach.  I tried to stay as calm as possible as I called the doctor but it was hard to maintain that after he told me to go to the hospital. 

It wasn’t quick, that would have been preferable.  Instead it was agonizingly slow.  The baby had detached from the placenta.  There wasn’t anything anyone could do but wait.  So that’s what I did.  I waited, in a cold hospital room.  While I watched my baby’s heart beat wither away.  No way to help.  My first failure as a mother…and a pretty devastating one.  They wanted to keep me there but I just wanted to go home and curl into a ball.  So I left and did just that.  I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink, I didn’t think.  I just curled into a ball and slept.  Not even sad, just numb, no emotions left to feel.

There was a soft knock at the door that finally pulled me out of my nap.  I rolled over to look at the clock and saw I had slept for 7 or 8 hours.  I figured it was Maura so I moaned a “come in.”

“Hi dear, how are you feeling?”

I just shrugged.

“Well why don’t you get up and I can make you some dinner.  I’ve heard that baby of yours has quite the appetite.”

That stung a little bit, but I couldn’t tell her what happened, so I just followed her into the kitchen.  We sort of had a conversation.  She only asked yes or no questions and I only gave one word responses.  She didn’t push to find out what was wrong or why I was upset, which I was grateful for.  To be honest I was kind of glad it happened while I was alone.  I don’t take it very well when people try to comfort me.  It just irritates me more than anything.  The only one that doesn’t irritate me is Niall but I don’t think I could look at him right now.  He had been so excited for this baby. 

The two weeks passed by like the blink of an eye.  I had put forth minimal effort in anything I did and had spent most of the two weeks in bed waiting for Niall to come home.  I didn’t even call Niall I just texted him.  I think I started to worry Maura.  I didn’t even leave bed the day I knew Niall was coming home.  I heard the front door open so I rolled out of bed to go downstairs and greet him.  On the way down I heard Maura whispering something to him that was probably about me. 

“Hey babe!” he said when he saw me. 

I just smiled a weak smile, walked over to him and latched on. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked concerned.  I just broke down and let out all the tears I had been afraid to cry for the past two weeks. 

At some point Niall had carried me to our bedroom laid us down.  I cried for what had to have been at least an hour. 

“Are you good to talk now?” he asked when I was finally done crying.

“I think so yeah.” I whispered.

“So what’s wrong why were you crying?”

“I lost the baby.” I said so quietly I didn’t think he would hear me.

“Oh babe,” he whispered quietly and hugged me tighter.  “When? What happened?”

“The day you left.  Apparently the baby detached from the placenta.  There was nothing they could do.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

I shrugged.  “It kind of happened fast.  I was in pain so I called the doctor and then I was in the hospital.  Once I got home I didn’t really have the energy to do anything so I just slept until your mom woke me up for dinner.”

“Why didn’t you tell her?”

“I just couldn’t bring myself to.  I don’t know why but I just couldn’t.”

Things were silent for a while.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. 

“Baby, this is in no way your fault.  You have nothing to be sorry for.”

I just nodded as I started to cry again. 

“Hey, it’s okay, everything will be okay.” He soothed. 

A/N: Let me know what you guys think! I swear I know what I’m doing so please don’t hate me for this chapter because I have a plan.