truly | m.c au

iii

It's sad when the bad and awful things that happen can overcome the good ones. The little joyful moments just fade to the dark part of your mind and it ends consumed. Despite this, people always tell you to focus on the good, to find the glorious and bright things in your life, just repeating the typical phrase -which may be true- but it's easier said than done.
However, most of those persons just say it because it seems like the right thing to say at the moment and perhaps it's okay, I get it, but if they just could see beyond that.
I really don't know if they actually understand what goes through our sick minds. Sometimes I doubt it because some dare to joke about it like hey don't be so depressed for once, aw you're looking out the window in a really dramatic-sad way, damn, you always listen to music, go socialize and I could go on...It's upsetting so it's best if you just play along and turn everything into silly-pained smiles, loud laughter and confident attitude.

Sometimes I wonder if they realize how ignorant their comments are. That's why it's less problematic to just let that hyper vibe take over you; which breaks the moment you're alone...alone, with your mind playing tricks, the one that confuses you half the time, the one filled with depressing/frustrated thoughts and your own voice; the dark one of course. How can you learn to live with it? because it will always be there, sometimes hushed, some yelling uncontrollably. How to live with it? to become stronger than the half that controls over your body.
It would be a face to face with your evil twin kind of thing, always fighting for power and credibility.

The guitar in the corner of my room finally has my attention, I haven't laid a finger on it in awhile. It's just there, waiting. I don't do the things I used to do, I can't find the purpose in it anymore. It saddens me, but why would I try when nothing worthy comes out of it? Nothing good, the right notes are never there.

Anyways, speaking of guitar, that reminded me of Luke; subway boy. He looked so happy and alive. I will admit that I had a good time singing and just doing your thing. Mae is definitely someone unexpected and spontaneous, she was contagious, her smile and personality.

I sigh and ran my hand through my now-faded red hair, my feet drag me to the kitchen to find something to eat.
I decide on putting some music, give' em hell kid, it fix my mood. Something about songs with rebellious but realistic lyrics make me feel good.

_________________________

I wish the volume of my phone could get louder, it's never enough, really.
I walk down the packed streets, it's cloudy and it might start to rain, hopefully.
The coffee shop is filled with people which surprises me a bit (Funny what some clouds on the sky can do).They match perfectly with rain and coffe, how artsy (cliché) of me. I must add my life could be an entire cliché if I keep on meeting with Mae, y'know, like those teen movies.
I step in and walk to the same place as always but this time there's already someone sitting there.

The black haired girl looks up from her phone, we take off our earbuds and I sit in front of her.
"Took you some time." Mae says locking her fingers.

"Were you actually waiting?" I ask and she shrugs.

"You might as well tell me this will become our thing so I won't be late." I arch an eyebrow.

"That's the biggest amount of words I've heard you say." She smiles. "but yeah, it could be. Stop begging, Michael."

I chuckle and shook my head, placing a cigarette in my lips. She bits her lip. I lit the small thing with unbelievable power. Mae doesn't say anything and I scratch the back of my neck.
My gaze fixates in the window, slowly being splashed by drops. One by one rolling to the end, some being faster than others. I remember when I was a kid, I used to pretend they were racing and yeah...
I take a drag of the cigarette in my hand and a click sounds. I look at Mae, with the camera on her hands again.