when i was dreaming i saw my mom again, and my dad before he became a depressing drunk, we were at the park and i was younger. in fact, this wasn't a dream it was a memory. a memory of the day that i didn't realize would change the rest of my life. it was just a regular day to me. but it wasn't, it was never normal for me, we were at the park..we never went to the park. i realized that it was important when we sat down on a large red blanket and we sat, that's all we did. i awkwardly ate a grape and starred at my parents. they were giving each other weird looks, confused and sad. "what's up?" i said, my voice half muffled and disorientated by the grape that was still in my mouth. my mother had been diagnosed with cancer, lung cancer, lymphoma to be exact. who in the world could have this bad of luck? well as both sides of the family had history of fatal cancers- actually that's what both my mothers parents died of.
I could feel my chest grow tight. It was terrible. A clinching feeling around my heart. My mom had cancer. Fatal, cancer. She was dying. Her lungs were covered in cancerous growths and they were eating away at her body. Kids don't think about these things. They don't worry about tomorrow, they don't think of all the crazy shit that could happen. When you're a kid, you don't think "what if my mom, or dad, or brother, sister, family member, friend, died?" You just don't. You're too young to understand when someone dies that means you never see them again. Ever. But I was forced to.
After that everything was just down hill. My mother had chemotherapy and all kinds of treatments. She lived in the hospital for 7 months. She ate there, slept there, saw me and my dad there, and finally died there. I was 9. I was right at that age where you start to realize the hard things in life. Santa isn't real, the tooth fairy- not real, neither is the easter bunny. That's also when you realize..forever isn't real.
You can't be with your mom or dad forever. You won't be friends for ever, and you won't live forever.
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Strike Me Down
PertualanganEmily Carver is as tough as nails, Alternative and as grunge as can be. watch as her story unfolds in uptown new York at River Moore high.
