READY TO RUMBLE?
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Ok to start off the reviews I will critique my own novel with the same sarcasm and fun I would anyone elses. I'm doing this so you can see exactly what one of my reviews will look like. You may be pleasantly surprised to find it isn't half as bad as you thought it might be. PS. This is a brief example. Real reviews will be much longer and thorough.
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DING DING!! ROUND ONE!
"In this corner we have.."
@MatiDemers
"The Duoy Document"
High Fantasy
-VS-
Mr. Ridiculous
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Alright the gloves are off!!
THE RIDICULOUS...
First Impression
Seriously! 3rd Person Omniscient!!! Yuck! *Kicks author into a hole.* Here take your book with you. *Throws it in.*
The Prologue.
Whoa hold up. There are over five characters and they all have their own POV!!! *drops to the ground and throws a temper tantrum.* Sigh OK whatever. I won't bother doing a character review until the WORKS. But I can say right off the bat this is just too freakin much. I mean seriously, I'm A.D.HD dude!!
Ok whoa lots of big words. Look when I read a book I don't want to have to look at dictionary in my other fucking hand OK! Sheesh. This is slightly annoying. Also this is written with an "old fashioned" style. I get that it suits the genre but still *gag*.
From what little sense I can make of the Prologue some old guy presumably an Archbishop kills a spy. It's not mentioned who the spy works for. I don't have the patience for this. TELL ME NOW! Ok then POV shifts to the carriage driver and I don't see what the fudge brownies with nuts how his POV is even needed. I suppose it might come up later so I will have compassion just this once. In any other circumstance you would be exiled to the land of crap books. It then switches over to the guards. This conversation was the only comic relief in the whole damn BOOK! Oh well so more POV changes and we find out about these tyrannical twins but says nothing about them, who the fuck are these people?! We finally discover that the old guy let is daughter die. What the hell! There is a haunting. But what haunted me more was all the damn POV changes. It ends with the carriage driver arriving with some people the old guy doesn't like. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!? *bashes head against the wall multiple times*
How dare you have decent to good grammar that just steals some of my thunder. Grrr. *summons an alligator to eat you*
THE WORKS.
OK putting the gloves on.
As a whole this chapter is OK. You do make it clear when the POV changes are. This is in your favor. Wattpad is notorious for 1st Person POV. Any book that dares to step out of this box will NOT be ridiculously popular. But being that I enjoy POV changes I say you got courage and you have my admiration. Just make sure that the POV changes are very clear. Most readers will be confused if you do not. Grammar isn't bad it's actually pretty good, obviously you have a good editor. Also I will note that some of the POV changes are not as smooth as they could be. The structure is good but could always be better. What I mean by this is that you having chosen multiple POV needs to factor in that every paragraph should be in that person's perspective and have a smooth passing of the torch to the next POV. I noticed a few times where you made the transfer bit I can tell not everyone will. Fine tune that a little.
The beginning line does draw you in but it could use some final tweaks. It's not quite there yet. I do like that you have a glossary in the end and character list in the beginning that does help considering the massive cast you have. Some people will complain and moan about this. The reader who is already invested by now will get over this hurdle if you explain more later.
I personally love world builder fantasy so you have an extensive world. It's absurd to expect you to have the whole world explained in the Prologue but make sure you tell us a little more every chapter.
Characters
The Old Archbishop: Did nothing to stop his daughter from being burned alive at the stake and promises revenge. (This guy needs serious therapy)
Carriage Driver: He complained a lot. ALOT! :p
The Guards, Yurik & Torin: Dialogue reveals a little about the old Archbishop. GOOD, showing over telling. (They are the comic relief)
The Twins Tyranus: Apparently they have some hive mind. (They say creepy stuff)
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Ok this is just a brief example. See not so bad. :)
YOU ARE READING
Mr. Ridiculous' Reviews
RandomHello fellow Wattpaders! Do you want your book reviewed? Well you came to the right place. Take a look inside. "Oooo ooo oooo" *You're bedazzled*
