In the Middle

quitter

4/25/15

Dear reader,

I realized, I'm a quitter. When things get hard, I quit and lately everything seems to be going wrong. I quit because I then feel like I have control of something, but I'm just lying to myself. I don't have anything in my life under control. I don't even know what's going on with me.

I've been feeling the absolute worst for a while. It may seem like I'm all happy and bubbly, but inside, I can't help but play sad music and cry. An ongoing playlist of piano tracks and slow beats play throughout my head and it doesn't ever seem to stop. 

I don't feel the need to want to try to take care of myself anymore. I've been thinking a lot about relapsing and all that dark stuff. I know I won't but I don't like to think that it's possible. Although, I really just want to feel something for once because lately, I've been numb. 

I don't feel like I have anyone else left to talk to. All of the people I could normally go talk to, I can't anymore for various reasons.