Regrets

Chapter 1

This is the story of how I realise the meaning of regret, pain and love. One that makes me realise that look isn't everything compared to a good personality. Ever since I started playing around in the game of love, I got fucked up. No days without crying and negative thoughts filling up my mind. It makes me more to understand about the concept of 'think before you decide unless you want to feel regret for the rest of your life'. You see, I never jumped to this kind of thing before but pretty girls are chased after and I was tired of running so I let one that seems so good at playing chase to catch me before realising the one who is good at it is only playing hard until they get what they want and stop when it has filled their desires. I didn't realise that the one who is slowly trying to chase me is either not sure yet with their feelings or not sure yet with my feelings. Maybe they are afraid that I'm not like what they expected or maybe even worse, they are afraid if they chase too fast, I would not be interested and run even far away so they make their chase slowly but surely as I may fall to their arms in matter of times as they study my soul, my life and my body from afar before getting too close and break me. But that is the problem, with this kind of mindset people have nowadays, people will end up being with someone who shows their emotion openly all at once but sometimes those kind of people are not worth the time. Maybe in short term they will get bored with you and leave you or God even worse, leave you hanging. Those who hide their feelings are sometimes worth the time because they tend to study us first so they won't break us but hiding your feelings can be nothing to someone you love because they might think you are not interested in them and thoughts like maybe I should find someone else who wants to be with me and there goes that someone you love to the arms of the wrong person; Well, this is the part where I haven't straighten the messy knots yet, I am still trying to fathom everything. But I think this is why people often fall for the wrong person.

I rub my fingers against my closed eyes as the sunlight hits my face through the window near my bed. I roll to the other side of my bed trying to avoid the truth that it's time for me to wake up and face reality. I groan and pull my blanket up to my face right under my eyes then I stare at the ceiling above me as I fall into deep thoughts again as always. I look at my phone and just like every single day, no text from my boyfriend of 6 months. I don't even fucking know where he is right now, it is just a usual thing in our relationship where he vanishes for a month or so and come back without saying where has he been and only the word 'sorry' without any fucking explanation. I used to cry myself to sleep every night because of him like this but I guess I am getting used to it. People will ask why don't I just break him up? the answer would be the same; I don't want to break up with someone, I'd rather let that someone breaks up with me because if I do, I will feel regrets. That is not actually how I think 4 months ago until I was crying on my sister's shoulder, Sammy, about how much of jerk he is and I was thinking about breaking up with him and for God's sake, those words fell out of Sammy's mouth and just pretty much change all of my mindset. I kick out all of the thoughts and go get ready for school where I will meet Griffin, the boy who I let down.