It was his Eyes {ON HOLD}

Chapter 17: Oh Shit...

All Rights Reserved. Copyright 2011.

This chapter goes back to Jolie's POV. for the moment Greyson and his friends left Ian's house.

She deals with more memories... so there is some stuff about sexual assault, just a warning...

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"Jol! Get your ass out here!"

Hell fire! He's going to drag everything out of me.

Ugh, I could kick Greyson's ass right now. Even though, he was only concerned. Still, kick his ass all the same!

He made it sound like we were dating, for christs sake. Ian will never let it go, now. Ian has always hated how, I never date. He may know the reason behind me not dating, but he will never understand it. Nobody can unless they've lived through it.

I drag myself into his living room, sit down across from him. He just looks at me, like you best start talking. I try to convey that I'm trying to get my words, with my eyes. He seemed to understand he got up to get us a drink. As I ponder over the the right words, more memories flash through my head.

After Brendan took my virginity, I went to the bathroom threw up everything in my stomach, fell to the floor crying. Several hours later, Brendan talked me out of the bathroom. I looked at him with anger, asking him why he forced me. He looked confused, saying I had begged him to do it. I screamed telling him I begged him to stop. He just wrapped his arms around me saying no baby, you were saying please don't stop. He started crying saying he would never had done it without me wanting too. Reminding me he'd made sure I was sure before doing anything tonight. I'll never forget that, because he convinced me that I had. Because he was my big brother, the one I always went to I believed him. He later explained,I was just overwhelmed by everything. Explaining, the love we had was just to deep for a fourteen year old to comprehend. Then promised we would not 'make love' until I was sixteen. By then I would be able to understand want we had.

Two weeks and three days later, he broke his promise. It was to be one of many broken promises. Brittany was mad again, Aspen had left to find her. We had all been in Brendan's room hanging out. He asked if we could just cuddle. That he missed me. I believed him. An hour later I was in the bathroom throwing up,and crying again. He used the same excuse,but this time he had broken his promise. I wasn't sure if I could believe him. This continued for several months.

I still threw up after each time, though I stopped crying. I had actually got to where it took days before my stomach could hold any food. Many times it would happen again before I had recovered from the last time. I will never understand why it took me almost five months to confront him. But I finally did, telling him how I felt like a dirty slut. I only loved him like a brother, and I was not convinced that we were 'in love'. I confessed about throwing up afterwords for days. He had cried. I felt bad for upsetting him but I was determined to stop it from happening again. I had felt so proud of myself.

Before I had the confrontation, he still laid down with me each night. Though we never had sex in my bed, he would touch me in ways that made me afraid it would happen. It got to where I couldn't sleep until he left. I started falling asleep in class, because it was the only place I felt safe. Needless to say, my grades dropped, and I was getting a lot of after school detentions. But after the confrontation everything went back to normal. I started sleeping again, feeling safe. I even started thinking it never happened. It was just a nightmare.

Two weeks and five nights later, I was woken up. He was rutting me like an animal. The excuse, I had begged him to 'make love'. He realized I was sleep,so he left me allow until I starting making out,and taking his clothes off. He just to resist but he missed loving me. I was again confused, and I guess to young to know better.