what hurts the most

CHAPTER 6.

It wasn't news to me when seats were arranged and I was assigned to seat beside Ran again. We were both tall, and didn't have eyesight issues. The awkward atmosphere didn't nest for long between us. We eventually went back to being the closest of friends, and made a bigger circle of friends.

Being the youngest of everyone in class, I became the baby. They always treated me as if I am the most naïve of them. They thought it would be awkward for me to talk about having a relationship. They'd start asking me about my preferences if I come to age.

"Kapag ba magka-girlfriend or boyfriend kayo, ano gusto niyong age nila?" Ran asked the whole group once. It was break time, and we usually use it talking about everything.

"Basta ako, gusto ko one year older lang sa akin or kasing-age ko lang din." I answered. Of course, that isn't true now, but it was my truth then. I was trying to hint that I would only date someone like him.

"Eh? Mas magmumukha na kayong magkapatid nu'n, kaysa mag-jowa. Parang kuya mo lang siya." He commented. I wanted to tell him that that was the point. Because I used to address him as "Kuya", and he's only a year older than me. But of course, to save myself from an apparent embarrassment, I barred myself from telling him that.

Most of my 5th grade days, I was happy. Because we were back on track. Always annoying each other, and always doing random and crazy stuff.

Kids in our class were used to transferring seats to chat other friends. But that wasn't the case for Ran and I. We never left each other's sides. We sat where we are the whole day, and never got tired of each other's company. At times, I would try to go elsewhere to take something or ask someone something, but he would stop me. I'd get annoyed, but I end up shaking it off.

I wanted to make something out of it but I knew it meant nothing to him. I was just a friend who he probably just enjoys talking to.

I wish I wasn't such an asshole to him sometimes. I wish I was a better friend to him. I don't know. He did things that I thought was nothing but a trick to annoy me, but looking at it now, he was such a great friend.