Adventures in Queerness

Never Have I Ever

Ash puts down a finger as I say "never have I ever been in love" and glances at Jon. Well, "glances" doesn't really describe it. His head turns slightly, and his eyes shift to the right; towards Jon. They glisten but I know he isn't going to cry. The expression he has on his face is the one you get right after you fall, and you're happy that you've stopped falling but you can't decide if the pain of hitting the ground is really worth it. Meanwhile Jon shifts uncomfortably on the wooden platform of the playground. He puts a finger down too. He doesn't look anywhere but at the ground.

We go back to Ash's house. The walk was painfully awkward, with me doing most of the talking because of Ash's suddenly sour mood. I barely even knew Jon, and I'm not that good at conversations in the first place; so you can imagine the pressure I was feeling not to royally fuck up. But when we got to the house the anxiety melted away as Ash convinced his mom to make us a few plates of nachos (and Jon and I gave her our best puppy eyes). I had a plate to myself and Jon teased me about how fast I ate them, but it's okay because they tasted damn good. The two boys shared though, and obviously they had to find some way to make if extremely gay. They had been fighting about where to put the plate so they could both reach and eventually they decided to put it between them. But then it kept wobbling on the soft couch cushions so they moved as close as they could together and put the plate on their joined legs. They're always touching somehow, even though they're both in relationships. I mean, every time I've met Jon (like 4 times) he's made sure that we all know he's very straight. 100% straight. I guess hanging out with a bunch of questioning/queer friends makes a straight dude a little curious, because he definitely doesn't act straight! "Jesus," Jon says while laughing, "how did you eat that many nachos in 5 minutes??" I make a face and throw a nacho at him, but he catches it in his mouth. Ash had grabbed the nacho plate to keep it from falling over when Jon moved, and his hand had ended up somewhere it probably shouldn't be. After chewing the chip Jon's face turns red and he looks down at Ash's hand. "Dude, we've been over this..." He awkwardly jokes. Ash moves his hand away quickly, and Jon makes a soft moaning sound, then Ash just starts letting out uncomfortable laughs and gets up. "Kay, why don't you help me clean these plates?" He says and I get up to follow him.

"Holy fucking shit shit holy fuck Jesus Christ amen did you see what happened in there?" He whisper-gushes when we get into the kitchen. "Yes!!" I say with a huge smile on my face, "I just, fuck. ship". He giggles and puts the dishes in the dishwasher. "What should I do...? I really like him."
"I don't know."
Jon pokes his head around the wall, coming into the kitchen to put his plate away. "Kay doesn't know something? That's the most surprising thing I've heard since I found out Zac Efron wasn't really singing in High School Musical. Wow." He laughs and goes back to sit down. Ash hits my arm, "whisper!!"