My Youtube Boyfriend (a Joey Graceffa fanfic)

13

I was woken up by Kalel. She was shaking me and yelling my name. I say up with a gasp trying to catch my breath. The hospital was dark and the door was closed. My hand was shaking.

"W-what's going on?"

"You were having a nightmare," she breathed, sitting back down.

"S-sorry," I murmured. I took a deep breath and sat up.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know anymore," I stumbled across the cold tile floor and into the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and walked back to bed.


________________________

"Okay Miss y/l/n, were going to give you some medication to help reduce the panic attacks and nightmares." The doctor handed me the small orange bottle. He rested his hand against the metal pole that held my IV bags. Yes they put me back on IV and oxygen and now pills.

"I'm not crazy ya know," I hear the words come out but it's not my voice. It's shaken and hoarse.

"I know. These pills are just to help. You need to get better." He patted my shoulder and left the room. I ran my thumb over the lid of the pill bottle held tightly in my hand. Kalel walks into my room and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"How are you?" She quietly asked.

"Fine," I shrugged.

"Are you...happy?" That's such a difficult question because I always say yes. I have friends and I laugh at jokes and when I get better I can go out and have fun and I know my life isn't as bad as it could be, and I don't have terrible problems. It could be worse. But then one night, at 3am when I'm alone still awake, lying in bed, I find myself crying my heart out suddenly I convince myself that nobody liked me, or nobody will ever like me. I feel horrible and I question everything I had

and I don't know if I was ever happy at all.


"I don't know," I finally answer. "I'm alive and I have friends."

"You're going to get better. I promise you." She whispered. "We need to talk about your sisters wedding. It's coming up in a few weeks. You're going right?"

"Yeah....I hope I'm better by then."

"You will be," she smiled and patted my leg. I nodded. "I'm gonna go home now okay? I- I'm sorry but it's hard to be here and it's been almost a month and a half-"

"Please, go home. Id hate to have you feel like you have to be here,"

"Thank you, I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning,"

"Please, take your time. No rush. I'm not going anywhere," I forced a weak smile as she said goodbye and trotted down the hall. I reached for the remote and flipped through channels on the tv held high on a shelf on the corner of the room. The House Bunny was on. It was my favorite movie when I was a teen so I left it on that. I had a mini heart-attack when Joey hobbled into my room.

"Hi," I croaked as he used his crutches to get to the grey chair next to my bed.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Alright I guess. What about you?"

"Great. In a few weeks I get my cast off and I might be able to leave!"

This broke my heart, i knew he wouldn't come visit once he left. "That's....great," I whispered, faking a smile.