The Choice: The Heir fanfiction

19~ the confession: part 1

Three months later:
Our big wedding went as expected: lots of people and noise and expensive things. It was chaotic. I was told it looked great on camera, though. People all over the country watched and held celebrations of their own. The distraction worked wonders.
Kile and I were just happy that we had spent a little while happily married before that chaos... And before the coronation.
It's strange being queen... It's already been a lot of work. I've hardly seen Kile in two weeks. The past month or so I've been seeming strange anyway. I don't want to spend much time with anyone, I bury myself in my work. I haven't been letting Kile kiss me or touch me or anything, and I think it's starting to get to him. I feel terrible, but I just can't do it.
One day, Ahren barges into my office. I haven't seen him since the big wedding. The news has gotten out about Camille's pregnancy and two countries are ecstatic. Ahren has been waiting on her hand and foot, so that's why I'm surprised to see him here. She's four months pregnant, for gods sake.
I'm about to speak but he cuts me off.
"Listen here Eadlyn. I've been calling you for months and you don't answer and when someone else answers you refuse to take my calls. You haven't replied to any of my letters. Mom and dad say that you're avoiding everyone, especially Kile, and that isn't fair. I get that you're queen now but these people care about you! What's your problem?!"
My eyes are glassy and my lip quivers a bit and he must notice that something is very wrong because he stops and comes over to me, searching my eyes.
"You're right..." I whisper. "There is something wrong. Ahren... You and I have always gone through things at the same time, right? I get sick, you get sick. You break your arm, I break mine. I say my first word, you say your first word. The list goes on and on... You know how mom and dad always called us freaky twins because of it? They always said we were connected at the soul or something... Well... It seems that the trend continues." A small tear falls down my cheek and I look a little sick.
He looks horribly confused. "Yeah, I remember that, but what could you possibly be going through that I am right now?"
I gulp a bit and stand up from behind my desk and very carefully touch my stomach.
"I'm pregnant," I whisper.
  He freezes.  "Eadlyn... Oh my god..." He mumbles.  He quickly runs over and hugs me tight and I cry into his shoulder.
  "This is a good thing, isn't it...?" He asks hesitantly.
  I shake my head.  "No... I don't know..."
  "How does Kile feel about it?"
  That stops me. I say silent.
  "You haven't told him yet?! Jesus Christ, Eadlyn! It's his child! He has the right to know!"
  I shush him then look down.  "What if he's mad? Or worse... What if he's so happy that I can't tell him how I feel?"
  "He's going to be happy, but he's going to be just as scared as you are.  Trust me.  And you should always tell him how you feel so he can help you not feel that way."
  I look down.  "I'm too scared... I knew I wanted to tell you first, but I couldn't say it over the phone or write it down... I haven't told anyone and I've been putting it off. I have been going to the doctor like I should, though."
"How far along are you?"
"Three months..." I whisper. "I don't know if it was before we were married or after... It was too close either way to figure it out."
  "Three months! Eadlyn... Oh my god... How long have you known?"
  "Three weeks..."
   He sighs and puts his face in his hands.  "You need to tell your husband. It isn't fair to him.  Do you know the gender yet?"
  "Yes..." I whisper.  "But I would rather not tell you until Kile knows."
  "I understand.  Please don't tell me... But do tell Kile.  Promise?"
  I sigh and look down.
  "Promise?" He presses.
   "Fine. I promise."
  "Thank you.  I'll stay here until you do, so please don't make me stay too long."
I sigh. "I'll tell him today."
"Good girl." He hugs me tight then pulls away and looks down at my stomach. "There's really a baby in there?"
"So I've been told..."
"I can't believe it. To be honest I thought you would never have an heir."
"Honestly? Neither did I. I was going to find a way out of that."
"Why are you so against having children?"
  "I don't know... The thought of children terrifies me. I know I'm responsible for an entire country, but it's different being responsible for someone so tiny and fragile who is solely your responsibility.  I'm going to be a terrible parent... I have a hard time loving things..."
  "You say that, but you love things and people so much. I have always known that you love me... And you probably love me more than anyone. You care deeply about everyone that you let into your heart. It's refreshing. And it's nice that you don't let just anyone there... Only the people who you truly love most."
  "What if I can't figure out how to love this baby?"
  "You will... I promise..."
   I take a deep breath and look down.  "Thank you... Here goes nothing."