The Everyday Life of a Villain

Everybody Hates Chris (Which Is a Really Good TV Show)

I never wanted to kill a little boy more than I wanted to at this very moment.

"Declan...you okay? Here, why don't you sit down before you decide to kill someone," Lex said, pulling me towards a chair.

Let go of me you attractive, heathen! I have to kill a child, don't try to seduce me with kindness! I tried to fight back, but the guy is pretty strong. He wrestled me into a chair and handed me a water bottle, giving me a look to keep sitting. Fight me, attractive human.

"Can I kill him, dad?" Ryan asked. The kid's been calling me 'dad' recently and I know I should be a bit more bothered by that than I actually am.

"Go to town," I said, pushing him forward.

Lex stopped him and crouched down. "I'll let you pick out a free record if you don't. And you'll get a membership that gets you five dollars off your entire order for the entire month."

Ryan turned right around and sat down on the floor next to my chair, shrugging to me. Traitor.

I look up to glare at Lex who smiled and shrugged. I nearly stuck my tongue out at him, but I decided to be an adult and just glare. I stuck my tongue out when his back was turned.

I looked around for my daughter-no, wait, she has a crush, she is no daughter of mine!-and found her on a counter at the back, smiling. I couldn't see what she's smiling at, but you know what I don't actually care, I already hate whatever she's smiling at.

"If you behave, you can go to see who she's talking to," Lex said, standing in front of me. Fuck you, man, I could go over there right now and see who she's talking to...but I'll let you give me permission because I have the strange feeling you'll look disappointed if I just stand up.

The whole 'we're disappointed in you' shit never worked on me, why am I so afraid of it now? What the fuck, universe?

I nod and he lets me stand up. No, wait, I stood up on my own accord, I just didn't want to stand until right then. Ha!

I nudge Ryan and we stealthily make our way towards the back, hiding behind one of the crates. Are they called crates? Eh, who cares.

The thing she's smiling at is a boy. A boy with dark skin and glasses who had a camera around his neck, laughing. I have absolutely no idea what he was laughing at but his laugh was loud and hysterical, just like Georgie's, and I refuse to accept him no matter how alike their laughs are!

Ryan tugged on my arm and I crouched down to talk to the tiny human. "His name is Chris. He's twelve. Twelve! That's a whole four years older than us, that can't be okay, I won't let it be okay. His dad works here and Georgie's in love."

I stood up to glare at the boy. A twelve year old. A twelve year old who is trying to corrupt my daughter! I stand up to walk to him and give him a piece of my mind, but a group of twelve year olds walk over to them.

Oh no. Twelve year olds. Twelve year olds are disgusting, they are literal pieces of trash. And they know exactly what to point out about you that you're uncomfortable with to bully you. They're oddly specific pieces of poop. And they're going to talk to my daughter!

Ryan and I pretend to look at records while we eavesdrop on the children.

"Hi, Mr. Ramirez," one of them said to the man behind the counter. He smiled and waved. He seemed like a nice guy. His son looks like he sucks.

"Oh, no hi for me, okay, Katie, sure, that's okay," Chris said quickly, not looking at them. Damn, his voice was deep for a twelve year old piece of garbage.

"Hi, Chris," Katie said, rolling her eyes. The others laughed behind her, as did Chris. Georgie sat there watching all of them. I knew the look in her eyes; she was reading their minds.