nor my heart or my spear // zhao yun x reader [COMPLETE]

chapter six

AN: Last chapter was really really short. Sorry about that. (-_-)#

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"You did what?!" Xing Cai shouts at me with disbelief. She cradles her head in her hands as a result from secondhand embarrassment. I avert my eyes.
"I-I thought he would remember the night before..." Xing Cai raises her head and stares daggers into my brain.
"You thought he would remember, even though he drank more wine than a water buffalo drinks water?"
I bite my lip.
"Perhaps..." Xing Cai throws her hands up in the air exasperatedly and groans for effect. I blush with anger.
"Okay okay, I know: bad idea. But what can I do to patch things up with him?"
My best friend rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. We stand in silence for a few moments longer before she perks up and she's gotten a crazed look in her eyes.
"I have an idea, you screw up."
"This is going to end badly for me isn't it...?"
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"You like Master Zhao Yun?" Bao Sanniang squeals loud enough for Chengdu to hear. I shush her and whisper confirmations that I do "like" Zhao Yun. Guan Suo's wife sits me down on their martial bed and slides the screen door of her room shut behind her. Xing Cai sits in a chair a few feet away, legs crossed and hands folded in her lap.
"Your grin is a little too smug for my liking," I tell her. She shrugs and smirks before beginning to pick dirt from under her fingernails.
"I am going to make you look so gorgeous that Master Zhao Yun has to notice you," Bao Sanniang giggles as she rummages around in her dresser drawers. I stare incredulously at Xing Cai.
"You did not inform me that there would be makeup involved," I tell her with a deadpan tone. "I'm leaving." Bao Sanniang, with the force of a tiger, leaps in front of me, makeup brushes in hand, and seats me back down on her bed. "I'm afraid you can't do that until we have men from Wei coming here to request your hand in marriage!"
I grimace. "Okay fine. Just...don't go overboard, alright?" Bao Sanniang ignores me, which does not bode well in my case.

She brandishes what appears to be a painter's brush and dips it in black liquid before holding it to my eyes. I jerk my head away. "What are you doing?" I ask her. She appears confused. "Outlining your eyes. What do you think I was doing?"
"That looks like ink. I'm not letting you put ink on my eyes." Lady Sanniang rolls her eyes in a similar fashion to Xing Cai. "I've done this more times than I can count! This will make your eyes pop!" She advances on my eyes with the calligraphy brush again and I hold up a hand to push the brush away.
"Come on," Bao Sanniang whines. Xing Cai stands up and moves over to the other side of the bed. She kneels behind me and grasps my neck with the inside of her elbow in a chokehold. I grab at her arm, trying to remove it.
"Cai," I gasp. "Can't...breathe..."
"As soon as she's done with your eyes, I'll be done with your throat. I recommend stop moving and let her do your makeup." Xing Cai loosens her grip just enough for me to breathe but I still can't go anywhere. I close my eyes so ink can be applied to the lids. A cold, wet feeling is drawn across the base of my lids, close to my eyelashes. Quicker than I anticipated, the brush is withdrawn.
"Don't open your eyes yet," Bao Sanniang quickly informs me as she begins to blow on my eyelids. "I'm going to dry the ink so we can continue."  Before long, the wet feeling on my eyes dissipates and Lady Sanniang holds a tiny brush-like thing. She then dips it into the minuscule bowl of ink. "Don't close your eyes or blink," she states before she brushes my eyelashes with ink. She completes that task with just as much speed as the first. Bao Sanniang steps back to admire her work. She appears pleased and retrieves a bowl similar to the ink filled one, but it is filled with a reddish-tinged material with the appearance of dirt.

"That's not dirt, right?" I inquire. Bao Sanniang ignores me again before rubbing a wide-tailed brush around in the substance. After satisfied with the amount on the brush, she applies the material in quick strokes on my cheekbones. When she finishes I reach my hand to touch my cheek. She quickly slaps my hand away.
"Don't touch it!" She scolds. She sets the bowl on the ground next to the ink palette and picks up another bowl filled almost to the brim with a deep red-colored clay.
"Purse your lips," Bao Sannaing commands. I do as I'm told and Sanniang takes a finger covered in clay and begins to smudge it across my lips.
I make noises of protest and in response Xing Cai tightens her grip on my neck. The pressure of Lady Sanniang's finger on my lips disappears for a moment and she returns with a simple strip of cloth. She cleans up excess clay from around my mouth before sighing with approval. She picks up a mirror and holds it in front of me.
"I-"
"-Don't recognize myself, -look amazing, -can't wait to bed Zhao Yun with my looks? Yeah, I know." Bao Sanniang's work is impressive and I must admit, I don't recognize myself at all. There is a thin layer of black coating my eyes, making them stand out like she had promised, and the ink on my lashes makes them appear longer and fuller. The dirt on my cheeks give the subtle hint that I am blushing, and the clay on my lips makes them stand out as well. Xing Cai releases her grip on my neck and nods.
"You look good," she says without any hint of emotion. She gestures to my casual wear. "Now about your clothes..." Bao Sanniang squeals.
"I've got a solution for that too!" She sets down the mirror and rushes to her closet, taking out clothes and assessing them before either shoving them back in the closet with dissatisfaction or throwing them onto a nearby chair. I sigh. "I hate you," I inform Xing Cai. She snorts. "You're welcome."