Kiss Me ^-^

chapter 5 - HERstory

MIRANDA’S POV (there's a video beside, play nio lng ung music while reading this chapter)

Panu ako nagsimulang maging ganto?

I was BADLY HURT

The pain cannot exceed what I believe I can still comfort.

It was thru txt, I met this guy who accidentally, wrongly sent a love quote to my fon

Asked him who he is,,

“Im, Justin and you?”

And there that everything else started..

October 6 2006

That was the day he wrongly sent the msg that changed everything else in my life and the ways of me dealing it. Akala ko dati, kapag nasa relasyon aku, commitment is all enough to show him that Im not just serious. Im badly in love with him..

Since that day we txtd everyday, spoke I love u to each other. It feels like forever, he feels like forever.

But, after a week of being a part of each other’s lives, he txtd me saying things were so fast.

Nag doubt xa if I can be worthy of everything he is starting to feel.

I did my best to comfort him. I want to make this work. Of all the relationships I had, this is the only one

I started to care so much, it cuts me eternity.

He is more than just a txtmate to me., Justin is my First real love. I loved him khit ndi pa kmi nagkkta, khit wlang paraan para magkita kmi, khit wla syang rason para I meet aku. He is the first guy who I can talk to till the sun rises, who I can make laugh with, who I wish is just here beside me all the time. He is more than any man I already had, he is my JUSTIN.

When I realize he is starting to own this heart , a heart which I thot was already immuned to different heart aches, which I thot, that when get hurt will easily healed. A heart that is already scarred and is at risk of getting deeply wounded again.

I want us to meet, though there are the things he asks I cant give yet. I cant do yet, though Im quiet willing. Things that I truly understand kc he is a man. Im willing to make love to him, im just not good at txting it. And I was hoping that he might be the man who is not after making love, that was somewhat a childhood dream.

It is most painful when someone you love had doubts on you. He doubts the reason why you loved him. The day I decided to go away from him, I first did it to heal myself. Erased his number..I thot he maybe just  like any other man who already hurt me, in time, I can forget him, forget this feeling, forget this pain.

I did my best to push time without having justin in my life, and im surprisingly successful at it. I restore my life, just like before we txtd.

But, the wounds are so deep , I did not expect it to affect my being. What? A guy na ndi ko pa na mi mit, a guy na walang mahanap na rason para I meet aku kaya lahat ng pagmamakaawa gngawa ko para maging totoo na tlg ung pagging kmi. Wla akong mpanghawakan sknya, anytime kayang kaya nia kong bitiwan. Pero icpin nio un, what? Tanga ba ko to fall in love to a total stranger? Alin ba ang minahal ko, ung mga txt nia na pang send to many?.. ung pgging sweet nia na khit anung baon ko sa ilalim ng unan ko, mukha pa rin akong tanga at nakikilig ako. Un bang ang kapal ng mukha niang pauwiin aku ng maaga at wla nmn akong magawa kundi ang umuwi nmn tlg ng maaga. Un ba ung 3 araw ayaw tumibok ng puso ko, nag susuplay lng xa ng dugo sa buong katawan ko but not purposively beating.

I cried so much, I have to keep it to myself.

Everyday nakaharap aku sa salamin, and telling the person in front of me…in time , ndi na ako ang dating Miranda na makikilala nia. Ung Miranda na ggwin ang lahat ma komit lang ang sarili, take ung risk to give everything na meron lang xa, makasama lng ung taong yun, umabot na sa puntong kahit nung ang lakas ng ulan, bumabagyo na, pinilit ko pa din puntahan kung san man ang tirhan nia. Ndi xa naniniwalang mahal ko siya, at ggwin ko lahat, lahat para mapatunayan ko na mali xa. Na totoo to, khit sa txt lng, khit sglit lng. Gsto ko svhin na tingnn nia nmn aku, ndi cguro aku mgnda kaya ayaw nia ko I meet, ndi cguro sexy, ndi cguro hot, ndi cguro magaling sa bed.. at ang pnakamaskit, ndi nia tlg cguro aku mahal, kaya wla tlgng rason na pagbgyan nia ko, na sana wg nlng nia ako sktan.

Gnun ba tlg yun?

Naalala ko lng nun ung sbi na “bkit kaung mga lalaki seryoso na ung babae, iniicp nio ndi pa dn seryso”.

Mali ko ba na sineryoso ko xa?.

Oh mali na nagseryoso aku ng lalaki.?

Gsto ng tumigil

Sa pagtibok

Ng puso ko..

<3 this is badly broken..  help me.

Cry

Cry

Cry

Cry

Cry

Cry

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Then I did my best to be NAÏVE,

Sexy, hot, best in bed..

And a cassanova..

Well the perception of cassanova depende sa guy na makaksalamuha mu.. but the point is..

U touch my body, yes! But you will never ever find my heart again.

Gnyan nmn kaung mga lalaki. Satisfy ur needs.

And I’ll satisfy ur cravings and my cravings too.

At first nung nakkpag sex nako sa ibat ibang guy, iniicp ko .. panu kung c justin to. After ba namen mag make love? I cuddle nia ko, kiss me on my forehead, say sorry , say he wont ever hurt me again, he would take care of me. He wont leave me…

Pero pag naiisip ko na un,,

Bgla nlng..

Nagbubukas ung sugat sa puso ko na akala ko gumaling na dahil sa tagal ng panahon.

After I make love with different men, I make sure na ndi nila ako makktang nakahiga sa tabi nila at mukhang mahina. Gsto ko pagkgcng nila, wla n clang ktbi, at c Miranda? Isang babaeng wla at ndi magkkroon ng pakialam sa mga lalaki. Yan nmn gusto nila db, pag mas bad gurl, mas msarap habulin.

Pero I don’t care, they are all passer by.

After 5 years, wlang wla nkong balita kay justin..

Alam ko kung nsan man xa.. masya na sya sa buhay nia. Wg lng sna magka salubong ulit ang landas namen, dhil ggwin ko lahat masktan ko lng xa, masugatan ko lng ang puso nia gaya ng pagsugat nia dito > <3..

Sa puso ko.

Ndi mu mssvi kung cnu at kung anung klaseng tao ang pwede makapagpabago sau,,at kung sa anong paraan ka nia babaguhin, at kung hanggang kelan nia maapektuhan ang buhay mo.

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