when it was a little too late

pecks

They had had a few short break together. Which means, no tour, no concert, no live performance, no new song, no nothing. Which means, there was nothing left for Hanbin the workaholic to do. Even if he wanted to make himself occupied, he could always get the practice and recording done in the daylight. Therefore, there was no rational reason for him to stay up late. Which also means, Jiwon could finally convince him to go home and sleep and maintain a healthy lifestyle like a normal human being for a short matter of time.

They didn't even share a dorm room, Hanbin's roommate was Junhoe and Jiwon's was Jinhwan. But that wasn't a problem to Jiwon. Whenever Jiwon could bring Hanbin home, he would also bring himself to Hanbin's room and nag Junhoe until the latter boy accepted to swap room for the night. Jiwon would make sure that Hanbin went to bed as early as possible, he would even grab Hanbin's collar and gently push him down the bed and wrap him into a burrito of fluffy blanket if necessary. And then even though the room has two single beds, Jiwon would always jump into the spot right beside Hanbin and pull the boy into a warm embrace. He would sing off-key to a stupid made-up song he called lullaby to help Hanbin fall asleep more easily. He would constantly murmur sweet nonsense into Hanbin's messy hair and draw random small circles on Hanbin's back. He would sometimes tell Hanbin about anything and everything in his own sleepy, half-conscious state, about how he had missed the strawberry scent of Hanbin's hair or how thinner he thought Hanbin had become by tackling the boy into a bear hug. He would pout while whining to Hanbin about that one time when he overheard someone called him ugly and he was hurt, just to hear the boy's delightful chuckle and adorable mumble with a soothing voice: "It doesn't matter, you have that positive vibe and contagious smile that everyone would kill for. You don't need big eyes and even teeth to be pretty." He would sometimes peck Hanbin's plump lips when Hanbin was talking in his sleep, reasoning that it was just to shut Hanbin up and there was absolutely no other personal motive behind his particularly spontaneous action after all. He could deny it all he wanted if it was what made him sleep at night, but the tingling sensation on his lips and the flutter of his heart could always tell the otherwise. And if he could be a little more honest to himself, he would have admitted that sneaking pecks on Hanbin's lips was one of the best feelings in the world.

Everytime Jiwon held Hanbin in his arms, or everytime he pressed his lips against Hanbin's, he kept telling himself it wasn't because of love. It wasn't because Jiwon loved Hanbin, it was just that Hanbin had a hard time trying to sleep and Jiwon was just being helpful. Therefore, it shouldn't be counted as a sin. Or should it?

If only the light of the lamp weren't too dim, he would have noticed the furiously blushing on Hanbin's cheeks everytime he stole a small kiss from him and things would have been different.

Hanbin never brought it up and Jiwon never asked. They were both just clueless kids in love. But it was perfectly fine to be clueless, because unrequited love is the kind of love that would last for a lifetime.

Unrequited love has always been an incomplete ecstatic fantasy that never actually comes true in reality. Given the fact that it never actually becomes a thing, it may never get old, and things that don't get old usually stay glorious and terrific til the end of time.
...

Years later, he eventually realised how much of a big fat liar he was back then.

He had always been a sinner.

And he never stopped.

Until one day.

...
"Please don't just kiss me and pretend it never happened.
Please don't just lead me on and leave me hanging.
Are you playing a game to my heart, because I'm getting weak on my knee.
Can you just kiss the life out of me or cut all the crap already?
You can be too much over time. Exquisite, but inendurable."