Something that I used to hide

Anxiety

A normal day begins. 6 o'clock. At this moment the only thing that I want is to shout, to stay in bed. But anyway, 7 o'clock , I grab my bag and my earphones and on the bus I sit alone, far away from all teenagers. I watch them during few seconds each morning, I hear them talking about the last party, about the new Nicki Minaj's song and school. Then I take my earphones and I play a Nirvana's song which is "Smells like teen spirit".

"I feel stupid and contagious."

I watch at the window and I see the sinister road. I leave the bus and go to school, confuse in this big crowd, fake smile in the face, fake laugh. Yeah, that's my everyday life. 

Sometimes I run into a boy, but not any boy. This kind of boy totally aware, with his own style, maybe a little bit bad boy. We could read in his blue eyes the indifference and the humain distitution of the world. We can draw on his lips the misadventure and the perfection. His face is perfectly drawn, each feature of his face is sculptured by the biggest artists whom God brought into the world. His teeth are fully aligned and white. His cheeks are slightly hollow which forms an amazing face. His hair is blond-chestnut and very well-kept, very brilliant, supple, curly. Like a model, his body is totally flawless, abs somewhat seeing, he's about 6 feet. He's flawless. I can talk about him until I become dust. I want to hold him tight between my arms, but there's a distance that I must keep between him and me. I've ever really spoken to him. The only time that I have spoken to him it was when we have to work together in class. He's got a wonderful voice , a cross between Dan Reynolds'  and Serj Tankian's voice. His name is Josh Nissen, he's eighteen years old, he lives in the rich districts of Boston. I know it because of my friends. 

My friends at school are rather "popular". I think this is pitiful to distinguish people, that is "popular" and "no-popular". But this is the way it is, we live in a miserable society where we have to be the most popular with a perfect body, the latest fashion and all these things that make society a prison where break any of these capitalist ideal make us "nobodies". It's a part of why I hate society and I want to escape and go far away from anything. I feel really anxious when I see somebody be bullied because this person doesn't correspond to the standards which society imposes. I'd like to bust everybody. The fury is on me every second of my goddamn life.