Forever

XIII

Who would've guessed I'll ever learn

To let the walls around me burn,

Light up the hillside.

My words, I ate them for so long

And nothing changed

It was just the same.

She randomly wrote the lines on her notebook, and then once again focused her gaze on the laptop in front of her. She was once again in the library trying to clear her mind, but failing at most instance for every five minutes, she was looking at her mobile, checking if by any smallest chance Austin texted or called her.

But of course no.

He's really angry with me, she thought to herself. Heaving a sigh, she shut her laptop down and fixed her things, making her way out of the room. Just as when she was walking down the hallway she ran into Martin.

"Hey, Olivia," he greeted as she gave him a smile.

"Hey, Martin," she returned. She took the chance to ask for the boy who had been consuming her thoughts. "Uh, do you know where Austin is?" She asked a bit hesitantly.

"Austin is not actually attending our practice since two days ago. Marcus told us he needed that," he informed her. Olivia just nodded, knowing why. "We're actually worried. We don't know what's going on with him. The competition is just three weeks away," he said.

Olivia lowered her gaze, suddenly feeling ashamed and responsible of what had been going on. "I'm sorry," she murmured, confusing Martin.

"Why?" He asked, and Olivia shook her head, looking at Martin. He was shock to see that she was about to cry. He was about to ask her why but she suddenly ran away, leaving Martin standing there.

*

That night was miserable. Olivia had the worst episode to date—she had trouble breathing to the point that her chest was tightening, seeking for air. She coughing blood and she felt frail all over. Her mum was crying, trying to comfort her, but it seemed like there's no help. Olivia was tightly clutching on her mother's arm as the pain in her chest kept on building up.

The sensation was slowly subsiding after a moment, her grip loosening up. Olivia was lying still on her bed, her eyes closed, trying to even out her breathing. Her mum was brushing away with her hand the hair strands that covered her forehead.

Soon enough, Olivia was drifting off to sleep.

*

She woke up in the middle of the night, feeling fatigue than usual, in time that she heard a faint sound coming from her window. She stood up from her bed and went near it, only to notice a stone being flicked to it. She moved her curtain slightly to peek outside, just to see Austin standing below, looking up at her room. She opened the curtains wider, allowing Austin to see her. When he did, he gave her a slight wave.

Wearing her beanie and sweater, she went downstairs and opened the door, revealing Austin. She stood still for a few seconds on where she was, and he was the same on his place, and they were just looking at each other. Shaking her head slightly as if waking up from her reverie, Olivia closed the door and walked towards him. Austin met her halfway.

"Austin," she started off, and he just gave her a faint smile. "What are you doing here?"

"Thought I'd drop by and visit," he answered. Olivia stared at him for quite awhile, trying to evaluate what had been going on before she nodded, sitting on the steps of their front porch. Austin followed her lead, sitting beside her. The surrounding was mostly dark for it was close to midnight; with just a hint of fluorescence from the lamp posts nearby and the moon shining above them.

"I'm sorry," they said in unison, breaking the silence, making them chuckle as they both look at each other. Olivia was weighing out what to say, examining Austin.

"You go first," he suddenly said, making Olivia shift on her seat uncomfortably. She looked away, staring at the empty space in front of them.

"I'm sorry for everything," she started off. "I just— I just don't want to make a big deal out of it. I thought before it was just simple, that I'll make a way out of it. And up until now Austin I try to believe that I'm going to get my way out of this," she explained, fidgeting her fingers. "And besides I don't want you to lose your focus on your NY competition. It's a dream of yours. I can't go around bothering the people around me of something that was supposed to be my problem only."

Austin let out an aggravated groan upon hearing that, making her look his way. "And you think that keeping this helped? Olivia, you dropped a bomb in front of me. One way or another it is the same. And what's worse is that you made me realize that you've kept me in the dark about this."

Olivia stood up from her seat upon hearing that, frustration flooding her system as she thought that once again, their concerns were not meeting halfway. "I thought it was for the best! You called when I just have known about this and then you came home so happy because of the competition," she paused, running a hand through her hair, facing her back at him. "Austin, I did that because I don't want to ruin your happiness and to distract you from reaching your dreams. I know that when you've known about this you're gonna be like this that's why I didn't."

"But I care about you," he said, standing up on his seat as well, grabbing her elbow to make her face him. "You're more important than the competition."

"Don't say that, Austin. You should make your dreams important than me," she snapped out, trying to get off from his hold. "One day I'll be gone and it will be just you and your dream. I don't want you to be regretting in the end that you've spent your time on me that you should be spending on fulfilling your dream. There's so much ahead of you, keep that in mind."

When Olivia finally got off from his grip, she looked away from him, staring at the empty garage in front of them. "I love you," she whispered, and Austin almost thought that he made up what he heard, but she spoke up once again. "The last thing I wanted to do is hurt you. I'm sorry if it came out the wrong way," she paused, gaining her posture to look at him. "But all I know is that I did what I did was just because I love you... 'cos I thought I'm just saving you from the worst I can bring."

Austin looked at her disbelievingly, his eyes widening as he took a sharp breath. He didn't speak for a few seconds, making Olivia looked at him nervously. "Uh, Austin, the least we could do is—" she spoke, but she was cut off when he suddenly held her hand.

"You do?" He asked carefully and Olivia cocked her head slightly to the side in a questioning manner. "You do love me?"

Olivia let out a sigh, squeezing his hand. "Of course. I've been refraining myself from telling that, I've been refraining you from telling that, but I can't help it anymore. It's unfair for the both of us that we're caught up in this situation where—" she was rambling, but she was then again cut off when Austin cupped her face with his hands and brought her lips to his. Olivia's eyes widened in surprise, processing what's happening for seconds until these at last closed, finally kissing him back. His hands went down to the small of her back, hugging her close, as Olivia looped her arms around his neck, her fingers ruffling his hair.

The coldness embracing the night seemed to disappear as they stayed there close to each other, almost forgetting about everything weighing out on their lives. They pulled back for quite awhile, foreheads resting against each others. Olivia opened her eyes just to see Austin's blue ones staring back at her, a lazy, boyish smile gracing on his lips. Olivia nuzzled her nose to his before pecking his lips once more. Austin hugged her closer, his hand rubbing her back comfortably.

"I love you, I love you so much, and I'm sorry I wasn't able to understand where you're coming from," he paused, staring intently at the brown-eyed girl. "I will always love you no matter what happens," Austin whispered, and Olivia just nodded in response.