Still The One

Twenty-Three

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely. – Charlie Brown

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Twenty-Three
One year ago –January 13, 2017

I wrote my name along the dotted line; a routine cycle I was accustomed to when signing form after form. Paying for bills and filling out paperwork was the least of my pleasures, but they needed to be done. Completing the final sheet, I was left with a reasonable sum. I contained the amount into my savings, leaving little for a grocery run I was inclined to set off on, after I had allowed all of my supplies to diminish. My food and provisions had shrunk in a matter of weeks.

I arose from my seat at the living room coffee table and sauntered into the dining room. I slid and scooted past the glass door that separated me from the balcony, stepping out onto the miniature terrace. Across from me was a couple lounging on their patio furniture. The man blew his cigarette smoke in her face. The beautiful woman smacked his arm, and while laughing, kissed his stubble. I removed my envious gaze from the two and looked up. The sky was unimaginably grey today. The unending wave of the desolate colour was complimentary to my mood.

Times had been strange. With the job and my own place, I should feel content and happy. My mind had been set on getting by and living independently, which was specifically what I had been doing. But I always had a feeling that things weren’t as great as they could have been. I was empty.

It has been five months without Harry. I haven’t received any messages or calls since I last heard his voice from the front door of my mother’s place. The last time I had seen his face, felt his touch, had been when I walked out. I should have been happy from the results, he had finally left me alone. But I wasn’t. I was far from it.

I had become numb without him. I was going through life, but not really living it. Friends, like Niall and the rest of the guys, had kept in touch. But things weren’t the same without Harry. He was a void that couldn’t be filled. I missed having someone beside me on the bed as I slept. I missed the feeling of being unexpectedly held by the waist from behind as I cooked our meals. I missed the look he’d have in his eyes when he’d introduce me to someone as “my love, Al”.

But thoughts like these were poison, leaving traces of venom in my heart. I had decided my decision, so it was my doing. I had to live with it.

But Harry had driven me to this, so I couldn’t feel completely sorry for myself. It just would have been nice to be near him once more.

Ambling back into the main space, I threw on some worn-out, violet sneakers, my white raincoat that was missing a button, and a plum beanie. I gathered a grocery list I previously scribbled, along with my wallet and purse. Beyond the walls of my flat, the outside air was damp and dense. The clouds above were opaque and portly; an unmistakable signal that it was going to pour. I pulled my hood over my hat, hearing the slight drizzle already begin, drops quietly pattering against the waterproof material.

The walk to the grocer’s had been appreciatively quick. Right as I entered past the automatic door, I grabbed a nearby cart and started wheeling down the first aisle. My eyes scanned each shelf swiftly, tossing in cans of soup and boxes of cereal and macaroni. I placed in a loaf of bread, some coffee creamer, and a carton of eggs. It seemed like it had been ages since I last bought something.