Source: http://www.loveatfirstfight.com/relationship-advice/relationship-stages/
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One reason is that relationships go through 5 predictable relationship stages, each building on the last.
By understanding the 5 stages of relationship, you can be better prepared to navigate through each stage successfully and not get “stuck” in any of them.
Here are the 5 stages of relationship (as identified by Dr. Susan Campbell during a study of hundreds of couples):
1. The Romance Stage (drug addiction phase)
Nature designed the Romance Stage to have us fall in love.
In fact, nature forces us to fall in love, but not with just anyone… Nature’s bias is towards survival of the species. Adaptation and growth are nature’s way of ensuring survival.
The real reason you fell in love…
So how does nature ensure that we adapt and grow?
Nature makes sure we fall in love with the most incompatible person in the incompatible person in the entire universe.
That person is so the most incompatible person in the universe for you… yet they are the PERFECT person to push your every button and force you out of our comfort zone to ADAPT and GROW.
But of course, when we fall in love, we don’t see our partner’s flaws. If we knew that, we would run like hell in the opposite direction, right?
When you fall in love, your brain releases a cocktail of chemicals (including Oxytocin, Phenylethylamine and Dopamine) designed to set your heart thumping and of course, light a fire in your loins.
In fact, the only difference between being in love and being (an addict) high on drugs is that being in love is legal.
Just like getting high, falling in love allows you to see the world through beautiful rose colored glasses – only seeing what makes you feel good and ignoring what makes you feel bad.
Your drug induced haze forces you to only see where you are similar to your lover, hiding you partner’s flaws and making you say and do anything to get along and please each other.
Until the high wears off… and that can take anywhere from 2 months to 2 years.
At this point, your brain stops producing chemicals of love and you wake up one morning with what I call a “Love Hangover” laying next to the most incompatible person in the world.
2. The Power Struggle Stage (the love hangover)
The highest percentage of first marriage divorces happen here – around the 3 to 4 year mark.
This is such a painful time for most couples as the illusion that ‘romantic love will last forever’ falls away and is replaced with feelings of disappointment and anger.
Instead of seeing your similarities (like you did in the Romance stage), you begin focusing on your differences and your partner’s flaws.
So, you get to work trying to change your partner back into the person you thought they were, or punish them for not being that way, or both.
Often one partner pulls away and withdraws, needing space… and the other partner needly chases them feeling emotionally deserted.
If you can relate to any of this in your own relationship, then you’re definitely in the Power Struggle Stage.
