The Book of Me

My Stupid Ex

Let me tell you guys a story.

Everyone has had a crush on someone, right? A deep crush, an impossible one. I had this kind of crush on this guy. Garrett. One of my brother's old friends. I saw him and admired him from afar, until one day we ended up texting.

It's a long story. One I don't even feel like telling. But I basically found a reason to text him and did, and we bonded after that.

I thought we did, anyway.

After being friends, we got together. For three months I thought I was living this fairy tale; one where the girl has a crush on a guy and they finally get together.

However, this story has a twist. This relationship was one-sided. I cared about Garrett with much of my heart, but he was just trying to not hurt my feelings. And, basically, he led me on.

So, friends, I want to explain to you my dream relationship-not only my dream, but what should be the projection of everyone's dream. So here I go.

In a relationship, in the beginning you should be really close. Not 'best friends', maybe, but good friends. You should know one another, get along well, and enjoy each other. You should be able to laugh and cry with the other person, and generally be close to them.

I'm not saying you should be best friends and be willing to die for the other. But the trust and friendship should definitely be there.

After that, if deeper feelings surface, you shouldn't tell friends about your crush on them. It ruins EVERYTHING, and I would know. There's been so many instances where a friend has either found out about my crush on someone, or I've told them thinking I could trust them. And then, those people ran and asked my crush if they liked me. It ends horribly every time.

Don't do it.

After you realize your feelings, and NOT telling your friends about it, enjoy what you feel. Having a crush on someone is the most magical, maddening feeling ever, and it should be enjoyed for a long time. Or, at least, as long as you're able to enjoy it. You should like the person and feel overwhelmed with nerves as much as you can. It's truly a wonderful feeling. Don't rush things. DON'T. Until you're itching to be with someone, take it slow.

Hopefully, the person you like likes you back. Different situations call for different things. But if this person likes you back, the moment you get together should feel relieving, amazing, and exciting. The first stages of the relationship should be some of the best. What people call the "puppy dog phase" refers to the beginning of new relationships, and during this time there should be endless flirting, hugs, and smiles. You should be so happy to be together.

The next bit should be exciting as well. There should always be something new. Things that I'd like in this stage would be just the simplest of gestures-the person should be interested in what I have to say, and actually put in something back. Not just 'yeah', or 'cool'. Garrett did that a lot. The person should love to look at you and be around you; they should fall for you hard if you are too. There can't be a building without a strong foundation. Or else, it will crumble.

Falling in love is a very personal and complicated thing. The definition of love is trusting the person with your heart more than you trust yourself with it. This includes maintenance-like a house, it has to be well kept. Doing things like boosting the self-confidence of your partner, making them laugh, interacting with them in ways that make their heart flutter, and other small details that let them know you care can all be ways to maintain the person's heart.

Garrett never did this. He looked at loving me like a chore. My metaphorical house was full of dust and grime. He made me feel down all the time, and he never cared or put anything in.

That isn't how relationships are supposed to work.

I believe that saying "I love you" is a way to express your admiration for a person. Although it isn't the love explained above, love isn't just one phase. Like the previous stages, 'love' also has stages. People think love is one entire thing. It's a series of things. These transitions should be openly discussed.

I know I'm asking for a lot here. But being interested and adoring someone isn't that hard. If you truly had feelings for the person to begin with, it would be something you can't control.

Garrett saw it as homework. It should really be natural.

I want the person that I date to admire me, to make me feel good. That's what relationships are supposed to be like.

I won't date anyone until I'm positive that they can care for me in these ways, and that's for sure.

I won't be played again.

Peace.

-Danielle