The Other Side Of Purgatory

Chapter Four

We'd been traveling in silence and I had no idea for how long or how far. Sometimes he asked me to whistle but mostly we worked our way quietly.

The monsters were definitely avoiding us. This kid and his ever beating heart, this ring of heat he put out. What started as a siren call was now a warning bell and had made it near impossible to find anything for him to question. Sometimes, out of the blue, a group would come at us and he got his chance but that was happening rarely now. 

I didn't know why he was after the angel but I was feeling pretty sorry for it, actually, for ending up on the wrong side of this man. I didn't know what he was like back home, being a Hunter I'm sure he wasn't a mewing kitten then, but down here he was a different animal and relentless with the, "Where's the angel?" every chance he got. I could only imagine what he planned to do once he caught up to it and I hoped we didn't.

Every so often he'd turn to me and say "Wait here, I'll be right back." and he would just wander off into the woods. I followed him the first time, but he was just looking for some privacy. He stood there, alone, with his eyes closed looking up at the sky and praying. At first it seemed random but I caught on that he'd do this every time we got into a darker part of the forest. He called it 'night' when we traveled through these places and I just shook my head because... Time. I guess he was working hard to hold on to some sense of normalcy. I couldn't knock the kid for trying to keep hold of his humanity. To hold on to who he is.

From a few feet ahead of me he called back, "Ric," Still when he said it, I got this flutter in my chest. I hadn't realized how nice it is to hear your own name. "I need some noise. You know any Black Sabbath?"

I recognized the name and a few notes float up in my mind and I started with them. Slowly, the tune came and went through it. It was a fun one and I had a nice warm feeling attached to it.

He slowed to a stop. "Do that part again." So I started at the beginning and whistleed it through while I caught up to him. He hummed along, nodding his head. "I know that one," he said and turned to walk, humming alongside me. He smiled for the first time in what had to be fifty miles. "What is it?" He asked and I honestly don't know. I sift around in the murky memories but nothing clear came up. Just the notes and melody.

"I can't remember," I said with a shrug.

"You don't remember much," he noted.

"Purgatory. Stay long enough and it'll erase who you were."

"Hmm." He nodded. "So you don't remember anything from before?"

"Not much. It seems the more I'm around you the more I remember, though."

"What's that mean?" The look he was giving me was something between angry and afraid like whatever I say will be wrong.

"I'm thinking about it now instead of trying to forget. That's all."

"Oh." And he started humming that tune again. "It played on this cartoon I watched with my brother when we were kids. He loved it."

"What was it?" I asked, enjoying that he was talking again. After so much silence before he dropped in here, you would think I could handle it but comfortable silence is a far cry from this angry silence we'd been sharing.

"Inspector Gadget." He let out a small laugh. "Sam thought that guy was a superhero and he would 'Go Go Gadget' stuff playing around the hotel room."

I chuckled and he glanced my way.

"One time Sam asked Dad about it, I forget exactly but it was like, 'Why don't I have Gadget arms?' or some stupid kid shit like that. Dad said the Inspector had to have cut a deal to get all those attachments. I don't know if he was joking or not, now, but Dad never trusted him and didn't like that I let Sam watch it."

"You let him?" I asked.

"Yeah. I... Dad was gone a lot. It was just me and Sammy most of the time. It was my job to watch him - keep him safe. That's always been my job." The way he moved when he said this. His back kind of curled, his shoulders sort of hunched like there was this weight he was carrying and I felt a little weight in my chest for him because of it. This man. "You have a brother?" he asked, maybe he was just being polite or maybe he cared but searched and came up with nothing.

"I don't think so," and it felt true when I said it but a girl swam up to the front of my mind and doe-eyes and long brown hair hanging straight around her shoulders ripped at something inside me and stopped me mid step.

"What?" He turned, blade at the ready, searching the trees for any threat. He was half excited and half lethal. Then he waslooking to see and, it was written on him, it's clear the threat was inside me.

"What?" This time there was more concern there than I'd expected and he moved closer like being near might be helpful.

"I had a step-daughter."

The pain in his eyes mirrored the grief in my heart and this is one memory I wished had stayed buried deep in the fog of Purgatory.

"I was looking after these two kids before," I gestured to my mouth and he nodded his understanding, "and I had a wife." That memory wasn't as clear but I could almost make her out. There was a sorrow building in my stomach and I wasn't prepared to deal with it. "I had a family."

"You okay?" he asked and I'm not sure if I am. "Alaric?" but I shook my head and felt myself leaning like the ground had tilted and I forgot to tilt with it. His hands were on my shoulders and he was fierce saying "Come on, Ric! You can't do this. Come on, man" his heat was flavored with fear but his expression was demanding. 

"Alaric, man," There wass a pain in his voice that forced my focus on him. "We've all lost people we love. I had a family once... for awhile. They were..." He thought for a moment. "They don't even remember me but I remember them and I remember how hard it was to let them go. Alaric! Alaric! I had... I had a daughter, man. I didn't get a chance to be her father and She never got a real chance to live a life but she was my kid. But she's dead and my family has forgotten me. They're long gone. Those people are gone now man. They're gone." He was holding on to me and where touched me was burning hot and that helped abate the pain erupted in my chest. What he said, I heard it but I couldn't imagine it. This ruthless killer, this man that's mostly monster inside and here he was spilling out all this pain and loss at me. I didn't say anything. There was nothing to say. I looked away, broke eye contact, and tried to shake his grasp.

"Look, I don't know if it's right but I think life just enjoys making us suffer." He said. "Everything you care about is going to be destroyed. Everyone you love is going to die and there's not a damn thing you can do about it, alright? You can't go back and change it. You can't do anything different. No matter what, everyone leaves you alone and shit falls apart and the whole world goes to hell and none of it is your fault but, damn, if it doesn't feel like it is." His grip on my shoulders tightened. "Now, we are gonna find that God damned angel then and we're gonna get out of here and we're gonna do it together, got it?" I nodded, slowly. "But for us to do that you gotta be able to hold it together and not freak out every time you remember something, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay."

"We can just talk about it, alright?" He still held to me like I might try and run.

"Yeah. Of course." I said, then, hoping it didn't scare him off, I raised my hand and touched his wrist. "Thank you."

He nearly jerked away but he didn't. He just said "Yeah, don't mention it." Then he dropped his hands.