Always

Chapter 9

I write because it gives my mind an escape from the real world. I don't have a problem with the real world just sometimes I want my mind to shut off and stop thinking to just do.

Thanks for reading! xx

Hope you enjoy this next part.

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The shrink suggested I take time off work because the emotions that I feel are very strong that they are showing through my performance. She's right, I haven't been able to perform my modelling job for the company as good as I hoped.

But she didn't say I couldn't stay away, the physical side of me is good but the state I feel of what I am experiencing in my personal life is being affected and I need to come to terms with it.

She even suggested I let it go. But I had to shake my head and refuse. I wasn't letting him go but I knew I had to.

Christmas had been and gone, the twins haven't spoken to me. I haven't spoken with Lucas either.

The twins were allowed back in the house for the holidays but after that they didn't speak with me.

Each week I visited the shrink, telling her that the twins haven't spoken with me and I feel alone. She would then say that maybe the twins felt a part of this relationship because of the lengths they went to, to help make things work with Lucas and I.

The only numbers I had on my new phone were my parents and Justin's. I spend every day with Justin because I knew he wouldn't have any ones' back but mine and he did. He started to bring the light back into my life that I knew Lucas always held.

"Justin, I think I need to speak with Lucas" I say as he rubs my legs that were draped over his while we watch a movie with popcorn

"But it's your birthday honey" He kisses the top of my head before moving to my cheeks then moving back to his original position

"I need to move on and if I'm going to move on, then I need some closure with him" The words that came out of my mouth were practically drip fed to me through the shrink.

"Are you sure? Because I've seen you talk to him" He asks giving me the 'you know what I'm talking about' look. "Deep down inside you still love him, that's why you let the guilt sink in.. Honestly sweetie you wouldn't feel so bad if you didn't truly love him"

I think for a moment then shake my head knowing well what he says is true and always will be "Then it can wait until you know you are ready" I nod my head as I hug him.

My birthday was here and the only people who wished me a happy birthday were my parents, Justin and his parents. Along with friends on Facebook.

The three people I desperately wanted to hear from haven't said anything.

"Do you want to go out tonight?" He asks as I shake my head

"No, because I'll be tempted to drink and let the drink take me again" He nods his head and pulls me up onto his lap. My parents were called away to an emergency at work

I straddle his waist, sitting comfortably in his lap as I feel his lips on mine. I couldn't sleep with him, not yet anyway. I feel his hands move up under my sweater and move over my skin. I moan into his mouth and start to grind on him. His excitement is clear, he wants me to. His lips move down my neck and all my resolve has gone, making me give in. I could feel my skin heat up from his kisses but I hear car doors close and I pull away from him blushing