Angel Eyes: A Fallen Angel Story

Chapter 5 "Shake It Out"

"So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart. I like to keep my issues drawn, it's always darkest before the dawn..." –Florence and the Machine

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Noël Calhoun's POV

Three years, three years I spent loving, holding, and cherishing Wesley. I was lucky to love him for three years but it still doesn't seem like enough. He was my first love and I don't know if anyone can replace him. I have this feeling that no one else can fix besides him. He always knew how to calm me down when I was having anxiety attacks; he was one of few people who could do this. He was the one who knew how to make me smile after a bad day and knew what to say at any time. Wesley was the person I went to when I needed to talk. I talked to him about everything, except for when I had problems with him. Wesley made me feel so many different emotions all at once. If I were angry with him, it wouldn't last long because I would miss him too much. Whenever I tried to stay angry at him it would never work because every time I saw him I just fell for him all over again. Our relationship was having some ups and downs this past year, he was leaving at the end of this school year to school overseas and he had brought up us breaking up a few times, but I couldn't do it. I knew that I wouldn't be able to survive without him that year, but now that I'm here surviving I realize I can do it. It hurts that he is gone, it hurts like hell but I can cope. I've realized maybe he wasn't the person who was fixing my heart and mind when they were not working as one. I think that Wesley was just God showing me what love could be like, I just got a little taste of it. The crazy thing about life is that people will come into your life and leave it and you have no idea why. These people can want to bring you down and make you miserable, or just want to be by your side forever, and then there are those certain people that change you. They change you for the good of God and for the good of yourself and everyone around you. No one knows who these people are going to be until you meet them and realize later on. These people could be a person you pass in the hallway at school, it can be your best friend, your family, some random person on the street. The point is: you never know who these people are going to be, until something happens. Sometimes these people can hurt you, and you think why would they do this? But they are doing it because they are helping you. Helping you become the stronger, more amazing person you are. Never forget these people, cherish them. Wesley was this person for me and I never got to tell him this. If he had stayed in my life I would have reminded him how much he helped me and how much I loved him because now I see that you cannot take these people for granted. They are special and they make you more special as well.

These people may stay with you forever and you may fall in love with one of these people. You may fall in love, but there is something I've learned about love: falling in love and being in love. You can fall in love many times, but I think you can only truly be in love once. You may think you have been in love but I believe you were just falling in love, just only getting a tiny taste of what love really is. Love is a powerful thing, though I have never felt like I was in love, I believe I may have felt like I was falling in love but I realized how strong it is. I realize now that with Wesley I was just falling.

Love is something so strong that when you find it, it consumes you. When you find it, it can scare you and it can intrigue you all at the same time. When I first thought I was falling for Wes, it scared me to death. The thought that someone can consume your mind and time so much is terrifying. Thinking that someone can mean so much to you and know so much about you terrifies me; that person could know so much about you that they could break you at any time. They would know your weaknesses, your worst fears, and everything to take you down in an instant. I was so scared that if Wes and I had a falling out that he would tear me apart because he would be so angry. The thought that Wes could take up so much of my thoughts and time that it takes me away from everything else important to me was too hard to imagine. The thought that he could take me down like that and can manipulate me so much to where I would be bouncing back and forth between fighting and loving scared me so much.