Ninja Love Story

Chapter 19

Once I had safely descended the tree and dressed (at Hanzo's adamant request), we were back on the trail. We made small talk, with Hanzo still shaking his head at me at what I had done. His smiles always made me feel like I could conquer anything, like I was effortlessly confident. But it wasn't until we started to climb a hill that I began to feel uneasy. Something made my stomach drop and with a start, I realized where we were. I stopped my horse, Hanzo trotting slightly ahead of me. The calm of the trees swaying in the breeze now a complete contrast to the storm brewing within me. While I wasn't entirely sure how much closer we were to my old home, I was beginning to feel the dread at what might lie ahead. What is left of my home...? Did anyone survive? Did my parents...?

Hanzo stopped just before the crest of the hill, looking back at me. "Aren't you coming?" he asked. I felt my whole body chill over and I was suddenly unable to control it. My hands, which were still gripping the reigns, had now turned stark white and began to visibly shake. "Sheeta...?" I barely heard Hanzo call for me. My horse walked forward and I was forced to face my nightmares.

Charred wood, blackened grass. Ash. All of it. This is what was left of my home. I hadn't seen my home in months and honestly, I thought I would be okay. But the assault of all the memories came in an onslaught. I could close my eyes and see my house for what it once was, only this time, I was an outsider looking in. My eyes watered but I still felt that chilling numb over my body. At least it's no longer on fire...

Without a word, Hanzo and I dismounted and walked forward soundlessly. We came upon my the old water pump just outside the kitchen... What used to be the kitchen. Stay strong. You are strong. You will not... No. Not yet. Not in front of Hanzo again. Wait until you are alone.

"Honestly," I began in what I hoped was nonchalance, "I'm surprised any of the house is still standing." Even I could hear the angered tone in my voice, but I hoped Hanzo wouldn't say anything about it.

"..." Glancing at him crookedly, I saw him level his gaze at a certain part of the forest line. He appeared to not have heard me at all. "Yoshitsune and the others should be regrouping with us soon." Hanzo lowered his voice, "It would be probably be best if we found what we came here for and went on our way."

I said nothing and only gave a firm nod of my head, sliding off my horse in the process. I stomped off and ventured towards the remains of the barn. In my head, I agreed with Hanzo: I didn't want anyone's pity and thought if the others were to see my home in this decrepit state, I would get it regardless. I wanted out of here as fast as possible. But for some reason, I was angry. Angry at Hanzo, angry at the Heishi. Angry at myself. I couldn't really say why but I was still angry all the same.

Yoshitsune and the others all reconvened with us before we really made any progress. I was still in the barn so I didn't speak with any of them, but I saw them with Hanzo, talking. Who cares... We're all gonna die eventually anyways. I snorted at myself. On any other occasion, I would have laughed; I sounded like a pessimistic old crone. Today, though... My thoughts were dangerous. They were leading me somewhere dark that I neither trusted nor liked. I want to be left alone.

Fortunately, everyone heard my unspoken thoughts and left me be. I was still within eyesight, but each man had picked his own zone to comb through. Hanzo was the furthest from me.
I was picking up debris and pushing it aside. Looking for anything that held a clue to... something. The charred pieces of wood crumbled in my hands, most of it turning to ash. Soot was everywhere. There has to be something somewhere around here-

"Sheeta! Over here, something's here!" I heard Hyosuke call. I whipped my head around at the sound of his voice and got up to run and see. Hyuga and Enya were already at his side, Yoshitsune and Hanzo running along. I wiped my hands on my kimono, not caring that I was possibly staining it. The men parted and stepped aside to let me through. I held my breath.