Henry
Pyromania, can't be that hard right? I mean, it's only fire. Whats the worst that can happen? Third degree burns? pfft! I'll have Caroline so It's definitely worth it. Now, how to start, whats flammable?
Rummaging through all my unnaturally expensive, yet absolutely necessary crap in my mansion. I grab a towel, 3rd generation IPod-useless, some of my brothers calculus homework, and a papaya. Um...how to i st them on fire? maybe I should have listened to Jason right! sand and a match. where are the matches?
"Yo, man. I'm a pyromaniac! Do you know how to make fire?" I call up Jason because I now how to use my IPhone-because communication is what will get me places in life, not hard work and experience; At least that's what twitter told me, I may have read it wrong.
"Stupid! Lets do it! I'll be over in like ten."
"ten what?"
Jason sighs, "Minutes. I'll be over in ten minutes, Henry."
My mouth falls open, I get it. I again go rummaging through all the crap in my house until I find a small pack of matches. The doorbell rings.
"Quick! The towels flammable! I didn't think it would be so I tried it before the papaya," I pause to catch my breath, "I dropped my electric toothbrush on it once and I thought the, like, electricity from the toothbrush would set it on fire but it didn't so I thought the towel wasn't flammable! How do I make it stop!" I'm speaking faster than usual but my mind is all over the place! how is it on fire? the toothbrush did nothing!
Jason bangs his forehead with his palm, "Dip shit!" he silently yells to no one in particular.. or maybe he was talking to me; he needs to work on eye contact. You'd think he'd have got it down by now with the amount of girlfriends he's had; don't chicks dig that intense eye contact crap? That's something else I could try on my dear Carol! I silently thank Jason for his contribution to my quest in gaining Caroline love and companionship.
By the time I break through my own thoughts Jason had made his way into the living room and had drenched my carpet, "Dude! what'd ya' do that for? I asked you to help with the fire not clean my carpet! That's the maids job."
"the fire's gone, is it not?"
" Ya, you scared it off. what does that have to do with you ruining my carpet?" I was honestly confused. He just created yet another problem for me to deal with; I need to find better friends.
we took the IPod, calculus crap, and papaya out onto the pavement. I knew that my brothers homework would be flammable as I have burned his homework on multiple occasion(That's what you get for trying to succeed in life through hard work and experience! Listen to twitter!) but, to my surprise the papaya wasn't flammable; isn't the stuff that breaks away at your...umm-big word- enamel flammable? Guess not!
after much discussion we settled on the towel to impress Caroline. I was disappointed; I refuse to believe that papaya's are not flammable, Jason obviously lit the match wrong and the flame wasn't hot enough!
Grabbing an extra expensive, golden stitched, bath towel -in order to seem extra bad ass I will burn a $48 towel just for dear Caroline- and head out towards Carols home.
