The Seeds of Doubt.

29. Am I Insane Or Sane?

"Macie? Are you okay?" my mum asks bringing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I ask in a daze.

"Are you alright? You've been staring at me for about half an hour." she laughs and I smile blushing.

"Sorry. I'm not with it today." I smile embarrassed. I've been trying to find faults with this world all morning but nothing has been wrong at all. Why couldn't someone tell me what was really going on?!

"It's nearly Emily's birthday." my mum smiles happily.

"Oh yeah it is." I smile. My little sister is growing up but doubt is eating away at me and I cant stop that sinister little voice in the back of my mind asking, is she really my sister? I mentally slap myself, not matter what Emily will always be my sister! "What are we planning to do for it?" I ask.

"I was thinking about renting out a wacky for a party for Emily and her friends in the afternoon." My mum smiles and I nod, "What were you think of getting her?"

"I'm not really sure. I'll have to ask her what she wants when she gets home." I smile and my mum nods.

"What are you going to do today?" she asks.

"I think I'm going to read some books." I smile and return to my room to grab some of my favourite books and the few I haven't finished before I settle onto the couch listening to some music. I study the words hoping to find some fault in them too but every line seems perfect. I sigh in frustration not reading the book anymore as I think about my situation. I can either delve into insanity by believing that the curse is real or stay sane by believing the curse is just a dream. The obvious answer to anyone would be to stay sane but I cant help but believe there's more to the curse than it just being a figment to my subconscious mind. Why does everything have to be so difficult? Why wasn't there something to show me the way? I think about the riddle again and I start to get nervous about the mention of my life being on the line. Why would I die if I chose the wrong world? And why did Sebastian say it would be a slow and painful death? Surely if it was a curse it would be an instantaneous death, wouldn't it? Or did someone intend to punish me? Why did they intend to punish me? What had I done? Thoughts swirl around my mind and create my own personal little hell because I cant answer any of the question my mind drags up from its darkest depths. "I'm going out for a while. I'll pick up Emily from school." my mum calls distracting me from those questions for a moment.

"Have fun." I smile but I have to force it as she walks out of the door and I'm left in the silence of the house. I switch on the telly needing something to mindlessly focus on because I'm starting to get a headache; I flip though the channels searching for anything interesting but of course there isn't so instead I search through our DVD collection looking for a good horror movie that my dad hides from me and Emily because he thinks they're too scary but he knew I watched them. I switch it on and grab a bag of popcorn and settle down with a pillow which will act as a shield in times of terror. I wish the pillow could shield me from my thoughts. By the time my mum and Emily return I have made my way through two bags of popcorn and three horror films, "Macie!" Emily smiles running into my arms.

"How was school chickadee?" I smile holding her tightly.

"It was really good and because it's so sunny we spent all day on the field! We played rounders' and my team won! And I made you a daisy chain!" she smiles before carefully pulling out a long daisy chain and she places it gently around my neck.

"You made this!" I ask amazed, "It's beautiful!"

"You really like it?!" she beams.

"No. I love it!" I smile kissing her cheeks which makes her giggle softly and we begin to play a few easy card games before tea. I read Emily her bed time story and tuck her in asking her what she want for her birthday and she mumbles something about a build a bear. I kiss her forehead nodding before I climb into my own bed thinking about my life. I ask myself one of the most important questions I had to ask, am I insane or sane?