hey you, beautiful

be kind

“You’ve got to compliment someone’s crooked brows at an art fair and tell them that their eyes remind you of swimming pools in mid July.”

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When I was growing up and still learning how to properly use my voice and wrap my head around manners, I was always taught the same things. My Aunts—who were only a few years older than me and practically my sisters—taught me to say the magic word: please. And yeah, having manners is important. My parents were never around very much, but I did learn something very important from my dad. He told me that I would make mistakes in my life and do plenty of things that I would not be proud of. He said that I was bound to call him one day and ask him to get me out of trouble and that he would easily get over it, honestly. What was really important was that I was always kind and respectful to people—there’s really no reason to treat anyone otherwise.

Just be nice. And god, it sounds like such an easy thing to do. And it should be an easy thing to do—it really should—but the fact of the matter is, it just isn’t. See, we’ve done a horrible thing in training ourselves to judge everything and everyone we lay our eyes on.

Whether you notice it or not, we tend to gather an opinion on an individual based solely on what they’re wearing or what colour they’ve dyed their hair or what music they listen to, and so on. It’s even easier to group individuals into unrealistic categories and brand them as that and that only—the artsy kid, the athletic kid, or (my personal favourite considering there are so many of them, apparently) the weird kid. These are most likely ridiculous sounding; I’m not going to pretend to remember all of the possible clichés—but the point is there, I hope.

And I realize that you’ve probably had this discussion in school several times and witnessed the same situation in countless movies, but I think there might be more to it than that. See, it’s not simply about stereotyping people; it’s about seeing a person as a person. It’s about being kind and accepting because everyone on this earth is here to live, and why the hell would you want to make that a difficult thing for someone?

I just don’t understand. And I wish I could phrase this all more eloquently and express myself in more than messy, jumbled sentences but, honestly, I just don’t understand. Why would we ever wish sadness or self-loathing upon another human being? They have a heart and a set of lungs and a brain just like we do—we’re all here for the same, inevitable purpose and it is astounding to me that some of us still think we’re better than others.

Again, I am by no means an expert on giving advice, but sometimes it’s easier to get a different perspective on things. Be nice to people—it’s as simple and as complicated as that.

Do not patronize people for what they do or do not like. If they are in love with a band that absolutely repulses you, let them be in love with that band. And please, try not to be repulsed by the band in the first place. Chances are, they never intended on making you feel that way, or on feeling that way about you. And on the same note, do not let other people patronize you. Enjoy the music you enjoy, read the books you like to read, draw what you like to draw—love what you love. In the end, it’s about whether or not you are happy with how you spent your life, not whether someone else is happy with your choices.

Be proud of who you are and who everyone else is. Instead of calling that girl odd for wearing a costume or shaving her head or spending her time alone, applaud her for it. Anybody who is completely and utterly willing to be themselves, wholeheartedly, deserves an award in my books. There is something to be said for those who are not afraid of judgement, because it is a terrifying thing, truly. So be proud of those people, and be proud of yourself for being who you are. Be proud of the way you breathe and the way your heart pumps—be yourself and encourage others to do the same.

Talk to people. Tell them that they are reading your favourite book and that they have lovely eyes and a beautiful smile. Hand out compliments that are well-deserved—exchanging kind words is far too uncommon these days. You just have to go out into the world willing to say hello—smile, make eye-contact, make people feel like they are worth your time because they are. Try to brighten someone’s day once in a while—you’ll be surprised by how good you feel. In return, let people be kind to you—say thank you when someone holds the door and smile back when you are smiled at. Appreciate the little things. Learn to love the good in people and do not let yourself get discouraged when you can’t see it at first.

Distinguish between your mouth and your body and their mouth and their body. You don’t necessarily have to agree with the way someone dresses or presents themselves and—let’s be honest—chances are you will not agree with everyone you meet in life. But do not make this an excuse to be blatantly disrespectful to someone. Remember that everyone is a human being, just like you, and they do not deserve rude comments or opinions on their body, of all things. Sure, you may not necessarily support the way someone presents their self, and that is perfectly okay. Having an opinion is always perfectly okay. What is not okay, however, is calling someone out on the things you disapprove of. It is not your decision what that person does or does not do with their body. It has nothing to do with you. Do not spend time hating anyone—there are a billion things to fall absolutely in love with so please do not waste your energy and efforts on hating someone.

All of this being said; do not ever let anyone treat you with any lower level of respect. Do not allow people to tell you what to like or how to dress or how to present yourself. That is not respectful. That is not nice, by any standards. So please, respect yourself enough to ensure that others treat you the same way. You are empathetic and you are kind and you are thoughtful and these are qualities that truly matter.

Now, I am by no means some perfectly respectful person who is kind all of the time—I am by no means a saint. And I am not going to write a speech trying to convince you that I am something I’m not. I think we all slip once in a while and let the terrible side of us out, but we’re human beings—we are not prone to perfection. What is important is to be aware of respect and kindness.

You deserve to be treated with every kindness this world has to offer. You are here to live, and that should never—ever—be a difficult thing. So just be nice. Be kind, be courteous and love yourself enough to realize that you deserve to be treated the same way.