ok first off i'm sorry that i sometimes capitalize words and sometimes don't second off sorry that i said "bitch" but it's just like the novel "beauty queens" said (rephrased cuz i cant find the exact quote):: "why isn't it ok for girls to call their girl homies their bitches but it's ok for some ugly white dude to call a girl that wouldn't give him their number a bitch?" even though the context is different (ie: "bitching" meaning "complaining" or "ranting") the same kind of reasoning is there. i guess? the same book also talks about how girls always apologize for everything -- ranting, eating, talking, taking up space, etc-- so i refuse to apologize for me being gay And for me ranting. i highly recommend this feminist badass book. kind of stupid but really fun. "beauty queens".
anyways, lets dive right it, fellow sapphic girls / people who just want to Know the Struggle because they sadly will not experience a beautiful wlw relationship in their lifetime. i am very sorry.
number A ::
i just really like girls. REALLY like girls. even if i dislike a girl as a person (which is RARE because i excuse any rude behavior as long as a GIRL does it -- like society with WHITE CIS MEN), ill probably catch myself staring at her and admiring her makeup or her eyes and her hair and i just. it's disgusting. i'll see some random girl at walmart w/ an mcr shirt and ill be like holy FUCK i think shes THE ONE
heck dont even get me started on SAPPHIC GIRLS like ill meet a girl and ill be like "u know im very gay for marina diamandis" or some shit and theyll be like "i am Bi" and suddenly i notice how beautiful they are and i want them to braid my hair and watch the xfiles with me and other gay shit (but this doesnt apply if we've got like a sister bond going cuz i dont wanna make any girl, sapphic or naw, feel weird w/ me)
number B::
invalidation !!!!!! two words: COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY .
thinking i'm not valid enough cause i could have SWORN i was totally in love with this skinny ass white boy in the fourth grade, because that boy i saw on the street was kind of pretty, cause i have taken a very big liking to a male cartoon character, because i had a dream that had a male classmate in it (not even a sexual or romantic dream, just one with a boy), because i don't re-cooperate some pretty girl's feelings.
the worst of all is at the end of the day when you just feel AWFUL. when you've heard at least 2 people make blatant lesbophobic comments that day. it's especially bad when it's from someone you love, or yourself. the amount of times i've heard the whole "are you SURE??" deal from people i'm close to really hurts me. like, my straight sister has never ONCE in her life been asked if she's SURE this whole "liking boys" stuff isnt a phase. it makes me invalidate myself more and question my sexuality. not much makes me cry, and i don't cry often (because #Depression and #BipolarDisorder lolzor) but having to rethink my sexual orientation WEEKLY can reduce me to tears.
simply put, it's fucking bullshit and it makes me hate myself a little more every time i catch myself thinking about a girl.
number C::
boys. i don't hate men, i don't hate boys- but if you say to my FACE that lesbians are hot, if you say that pixie cuts on girls are disgusting, if you say makeup is false advertising, take her swimming on the first date, i could make you like boys, you're missing out, lesbians are gross, it's a phase, it's edgy, it's only ok when it can be mistaken for a platonic relationship,
if i see you on the street checking me out knowing fairly well that i am a minor, if you walk too close to me on purpose, if you touch me when i say no, if you flirt with me when i turn you down, complain about how i friend-zoned you, if you mock feminism and make rape jokes (mind you that patriarchal values are killing young /girls/ people all over the world), if you say the n word as a white/not black person, fag, dyke, qu**r or anything else as a straight person,
then chances are,
i don't like YOU.
it's not all men, it's not all boys, it's YOU.
number D::
is this one bad? idk. being a wlw is ur CALLING CARD. you can hear them behind your back -- oh that ___? i heard she's a lesbian. i heard she likes girls. i heard she hates boys.
like first off its none of your dam business unless u looking for a gf then hmu
and secondly as much as i love being not straight its not all there is to me wtf. also, if i explicitly came out to you, dont automatically tell someone else !!!!!! Chill
anyways thx for reading. its 2:30 am. sorry basically my mom figured out im a dyke and she's been doing anything she can to invalidate me lmao mom no. also some people at school got in a fight over my sexuality??? like if ur reading this i lov ya but chill. it aint ur business .
all my love !!!! tell me what u relate to most :3c
