Poetry

A Person of Science

I am a person of science. I always have been. I can understand these confusing tricks that our human bodies play on us inside of our head and I can understand why some people say they're better off dead.

And from what I know about science, I know that I am a balanced force. I cannot move with the weight of stress acting with ten newtons on top of me and sadness acting ten on the bottom. I know that I'm incapable of moving, or blinking, or thinking. So instead I lay in my bed, with heavy eyes and cheeks dripping in tears. I lay here and stare at the ceiling, a fan spinning around and around just like the knots in my stomach when you said those heavily weighted words to me. I lay here, incapable of quivering in fear because I cannot move from the shock of what you said to me, I cannot move from the shock of you "becoming the person you want to be" and I cannot move because in the process of doing so, you managed to lose me.

And I'm sorry, that this isn't what you want to hear, but maybe it's what you need. Maybe you need to know I didn't want you to leave, maybe you need to know that your head's full of greed, only thinking about what you need and sure, it may be "good for your health" but what about me and everyone else? What about me and you, what about this future that we were going step by careful step into, and now I have to go to this future without out you, and I'm sorry to say it but I'm okay with it.

But I want you to remember the day we laid on the ground, staring at the clouds and I said my feelings out loud and you said that you would be proud to say that my beautiful eyes of bright and rich blue were only ever looking at you. I want you to remember that day as you lay awake and I hope you realize that if you ever wanted me back it's already too late.

It's too late because you've already let me fall and I'm tired of being treated like a brick wall that you throw stones at to see if I'll crumble and above all I'm tired of caring about people that treat me like nothing at all.

So I'm glad that you're gone, and I could go on. But I think you understand you have a lot to work on.