Medicine

Chapter Five

What a mess.

This thing with Sophie has gotten way more complicated than I thought.

I'm at the beach house now, expecting to be in bed, knocked out and getting some rest from the extremely draining day I've had. I heard there was a storm coming in this weekend and I wanted to be somewhere isolated just so I could have time to think.

I've been standing out in the balcony for about 30 minutes now, just looking at the wide gray horizon splayed out in front of me.

Thick and dark clouds are looming over the ocean. I look at the dark and foaming waters and contemplate if I should go down and take a walk on the shore, to try to process what went on today.

Right after the hospital visit, I texted Sophie to see if she was near the apartment I'm renting near the university.

My visit to the hospital had me so fuckin tight with tension, I was craving for release. And as usual, Sophie was up for it. She always was. I came to the apartment with her already waiting in my room, on my bed with just a blanket covering her.

It was the most welcome sight I've seen all day and it took me no time to chuck my clothes and crawl into bed with her.

I think I keep Sophie as my constant companion because she's familiar to me. I know her body, her wants, how she likes it, how to read her responses.

I've been with her so many times that I know exactly how to make her writhe in pleasure. My tongue always gets her going in a matter of minutes. I know which angle makes her scream and pull at my hair. I know just how hard I should thrust into her to bring out such intense pleasure she couldn't help but bite my shoulder.

It makes me feel good, knowing how to make a woman's body sing and quiver with pleasure.

She must've noticed that something was wrong because she fucked my brains out today. For some reason, it was the most intense she's ever been. It seemed like she also had something in her mind and we were really just two people needing to distract ourselves from whatever roiling thoughts were in our head.

I had my eyes closed after we finished, she was lying on my chest with her eyes closed as well. I swear I thought she was asleep, but then I heard her whisper something in my ear just when I was about to plunge into unconsciousness.

"You're in love with my body, but you're not in love with me." 

That sure yanked the sleepiness out of my body. Gently, I sat up and took a deep breath. I knew this talk would happen soon. If I didn't address it then, it would've been a constant elephant in the room, giving off unnecessary tension between us.

"Soph, I've always been very clear about my expectations since we first started this friends with benefits thing." She visibly flinched when I said the last part, and I immediately felt like a total ass. But she consented to everything we've done, and I've always been honest about the extent of what I could give her: physical release, and nothing else.

"I know." She whispered and closed her eyes tightly. "But somewhere along the way, I started to crave your presence more, and not just when we have sex. I wanted to spend more time with you outside of the bedroom." Her face contorted into one with pain and embarrassment. "Every single time you got dressed immediately after, I wanted to reach out to you and ask you to stay." I sighed and looked her in the eye. "You know I can't commit like that, Soph. I'll only end up hurting you."

"But you already are."

"I don't know what to say."

"Just tell me that we'll be official."

I shook my head, and looked out the window.

"Am I really that hard to love?" She asked, a lone tear snaked it's way from her eye to her trembling chin.

"I'm sure someone out there would be lucky enough to fall in love with you."

"Bullshit." She explodes. "Why can't it be you?! Why can't you just commit, for fuck's sake. We've basically been exclusively fucking for as long as I can remember anyway. Why not make it official?"

I feel ice run through my veins, and seeing the horror that must have been evident on my face, her body sags, and she started crying harder.

"You've been with other women, haven't you?"

"We never agreed to be exclusive, Soph." I whispered, feeling like the world's biggest shit.

I came to the apartment seeking to relieve some tension but there I was, heaping a fuckton of it onto myself. I started to talk again but she held her hand up to stop me, wiped her tears, and with her chin high, started to get dressed.

When she picked up her purse and made her way to the bedroom door, she visibly took a deep breath and hesitated on the door way.

"I'm emotionally incapable of falling in love, Soph. There's nothing in me to give."

She said nothing as she continued walking out the door, and I was left feeling the loss of another friend. I lied back down and stared at the ceiling for a couple heartbeats. It's alright, I told myself. She'd leave sooner or later anyway.

They all do.

A strong gush of wind and a loud rumble of thunder takes me away from my thoughts. I pad into the bedroom and shut the wide glass balcony doors to keep the cold wind out.

Making my to the kitchen to heat up something edible, I stop and turn on the living room TV just so I can have something playing in the background. Makes the house feel less empty.

Unboxing a ready for the microwave lasagna from the fridge, I tense when the words coming from the TV registers.

"... CEO of textile company is in the midst of a major scandal as secretary he is suspected of having an affair with divulge details about the company's plunge towards bankruptcy."

The reporter spouts off more details regarding the man's alleged affair with multiple secretaries and I drop the box of lasagna on the sink and run towards the bedroom.

Panting, I immediately dial Sophie's number. She's gonna be dragged into this mess her dad is in. "C'mon, Soph. Pick up."

"Hi! It's Sophie, I can't talk right now, just leave a message, I'll call back when I can."

"Fuck!" I run my hands through my hair and pace. What shitty fucking timing.

I dial Sophie's number once more, and look out the window. Lightning illuminates the dark sky and a loud rumble of thunder immediately follows, making the windows shake.

The storm's here. And I have a feeling that it somehow signifies something. I don't know where this ominous feeling comes from, but I shake it off and dial Soph's number once more.

I may not be someone who's worthy to be her boyfriend, but I sure as hell wouldn't let her go through this tough time alone.