Give Me A Sign, I Want To Believe

This is Raw, This is Real

Two months had passed and Jake was still in a coma. He had signed a form saying Do Not Resuscitate, which basically meant if he died, don’t try to revive him. I fought against that rule and told the doctors to save him. I haven’t left Jake’s side except for a shower or to use the bathroom. It turns out that the earthquake was a 4.7 and the neighborhood we lived in was just a few miles away from the epicenter. The homes were being rebuilt and our home was almost done. BVB and their girls helped to rebuild the house along with some fans and neighbors. I was honestly grateful for their actions. I’ve had fans leave notes and twitter messages saying for Jake to get better. Warped Tour was delayed because of the earthquake and it was set to start on July 5th. Pops’ auto body shop was closed due to repairs and I just couldn’t go to the high school for work because of Jake. Pops understood and said to take as much time as I needed.

CC walked in with a slice of pizza and handed it to me. I shook my head and gave it back to him. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t motivate myself enough to eat. I was losing weight and I could feel it.

“Ally bear, please eat. It’s killing me to see you going back to being anorexic. Please eat. If not for me, then for Jake. You can’t keep sulking. Please smile.” I sighed and looked at CC.

“I don’t think I can smile CC. but I can try to eat.” He nodded and gave the pizza back. I took a small bite and swallowed. I only ate a quarter of the pizza before I felt sick. CC understood and ate the rest. I looked at Jake and I let my tears fall for the first time since the quake.

“Jake, please wake up. I miss you. Trixy misses you. The fans miss you. Your family misses you. Don’t die on me Jake. You’re the only person who saved me. You gave me another chance at love. Please don’t take that away. I can’t sleep without you. I miss hearing you talk to yourself while you record. I miss waking up before you and just laying there. I miss you singing to me when I have a nightmare. I miss our Saturday dates. I can’t go home unless you’re with me. Jake please come back. I love you. Please wake up.” A tear fell onto Jake’s hand. I looked up and saw Ashley with Jake’s old Schechter guitar and a small amp. He passed it to me since Jake taught me guitar.

“I thought this might help. Y’ know, wake him up and remember.” I nodded and plugged the guitar in. I made sure it wasn’t too loud. I played In The End and CC tapped out the drums on a table.

I put the guitar down and said I’d try again tomorrow. I was so stressed that I could barely stay awake most of the day.

When I woke up the next day, I played Saviour. A dud. I got up and decided to shower. I looked in the mirror and saw how boney I was. My ribs and collar bone were sticking out. I need to eat. Jake would hate to see me like this. I stripped my clothes and let the warm beads of water envelop me.

When I got out of the shower I put on sweats and a BVB shirt on. Ashley came in with CC and handed me a small salad. I ate about half of the salad. CC sat next to me and Ashley next to CC.

Then a song idea hit me. Carolyn! Jake always sung that to me. I picked up the guitar and tuned it and cleared my throat. I started the intro and CC caught on and then tapped out the drums. Then I started singing,

“Those times in life we learn to try, with one intention

Of learning how and when we'll die, but we can't listen

I wish to god I'd known that I, I didn't stand a chance

Of looking back and knowing why, or pain of circumstance

You're not alone

We'll brave this storm

So here's my song I wrote in time, when it was needed