Damaged Goods. (A Harry Styles Fanic)

Chapter Four

Twisting her key through the front door, Lola stepped into her house and noticed a light on her the front room. ‘Mum must be home’ she thought. Lola slipped her school shoes off in the hallway and put her coat on a hook. She was about to set foot into the living room but stopped in her tracks when she heard a deep voice she didn’t recognise. A mans voice.

‘Oh great. Her boyfriend. Ergh’ Lola muttered to herself as she headed up the route of the staircase instead. She scrambled up the steps, wanting to go ring Jackie and discuss the newest episode of One Tree Hill

“Lola is that you?” her Mum called. Lola came to a halt mid way up the stairs and tightened her lip in annoyance that she didn’t go unheard as planned. Lola was very reluctant to meet another one of her Mum’s boyfriends. They only lasted a couple of weeks, and even if they were nice; what was the point in getting to know them? They’d have been dumped for someone else a week or two later.

That’s just the kind of person her Mum, Christina, was. She had a sort of classy element to her appearance, had a sufficient amount of money and a nice house. Not to mention two children, there was no reason for her to be unsatisfied with her life. But she was, and was always looking for a way to spice it up and make it interesting. Even if that meant neglecting her son and daughter. You wouldn’t expect it from looking at her in her business suit, but she wasn’t a mumsy type at all.

“Lola?”

“Yes Mum” Lola replied firmly, showing her uninterest and disregard. She could hear her Mum mutter something to the unseen man and then footsteps approaching the door. Lola turned and saw her peeking her fake blonde head around the door frame.

“Come on in here, don’t you remember? You’re supposed to be meeting my John today” she said, her tone making it sound like something exciting. Lola wanted to vomit over the fact she referred to him as ‘my John’. She grumbled and traipsed herself slugglishly slowly down each step, an annoyed expression on her face and her arms crossed. Christina tutted at the immaturity and shoved her daughter towards the front room.

A dark haired man sat on the couch, noticing her and giving her a smile. He had a small amount of facial hair around the chin and a warm glow to his eyes. Lola narrowed her eyes and examined him for a second, before giving him a weak and lethargic smile. Her mother kept a firm hand on Lola’s lower back, urging her towards a chair but Lola batted it away.

“Nice to meet you Lola, i’m John” he introduced himself, standing up and putting his hand out to her. Lola glanced at it skeptically, wary about shaking it but did so anyway. John met her eyes and gave her another friendly smile, obviously trying to create a decent first impression. ‘Whats the point, I doubt she plans on keeping him for long’

“Nice to meet you too” Lola mumbled, looking down at her feet and shuffling them slightly, her ankles rubbing together. She could feel her Mum’s eyes burning into her intimidatingly, sending telepathic messages and to her like ‘be nice’, ‘stop acting like a little brat’

“Remember, I told you before that John’s staying for dinner tonight so you’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other” she smiled, shuffling close to John who put her arm around her shoulders. With one hand laying lightly on his chest, they both looked to Lola who simply nodded in acknowledgement, feeling awkward.

She recalled hearing before that his kids were joining them for dinner too, which made her even more unenthusiastic to stick around. She had a pile of Math homework waiting to be completed, TV shows to watch, music to download and phone calls to make. Something about hanging around at the dinner table with John and presumably a couple of little brats didn’t really tickle her fancy.

“Okay..well I have things to do. Call me when dinner’s ready” she said, leaving the room abruptly before Christina could protest.

Lola bound up the stairs, relieved to be in the comfort of her bedroom finally. She poked her head around her little brother Jake’s room, seeing him playing with a set of toy figures.

“Hey bro, how was school?” she asked softly, seeing him look up to her from his position on the carpet with big brown eyes. He smiled, a gap in his mouth where a tooth had recently fallen out.

“Fun, played football and we got chicken dinosaurs at lunch time” he said happily, making Lola smile at the innocence he still had, his troubleless childhood that she missed. Although he was slightly deprived of a proper family back home, he didn’t know any different and was still a happy little boy. Lola tried to spend time with him as much as she could, to make up for the lack of time their Mum spent at home. He was her favourite boy in the world and they were pretty close. Plus he had a love for anything dinosaur related.

“Good, well we have some guests for dinner tonight so you might make some new friends in John’s children” Lola crouched down, picking up one of his plastic animals and bending it’s rubber wing and forth as she spoke.

“Are they six too?” Jake asked, wide eyed and innocent as she asked her.

“Maybe….I don’t know. What do you think of John?”

“He’s funny”

“Funny? Like how?”

“He told me a joke, I can’t remember it now but it made me laugh, and then he told me that he knows a man who works in a museum and can get me new dinosaur figures” he said excitedly

“Oh that’s nice, well maybe he’s not so bad then” she smiled at her brother, ruffling her hand through his hair “Wash your hands before dinner”

Lola left him to play as she went back to her own bedroom. She slung her school bag under her bed and collapsed into the mattress.

What a day. Double Biology, Double English, History and RE. All she really wanted to do now was sleep off the exhaustion of her day. She reached for the phone on her bedside table and unconciously dialled the numbers she knew so well. After a few rings, the other end answered.

“Hey Lola did you watch it yet?”

“No, just about to. Don’t tell me what happens!”

“Okay, but be warned. It’s not what you expect…at all” Jackie replied seriously, making Lola chuckle.

“Okay, i’ll be sure to expect the unexpected” she fiddled with a stray piece of thread on her school blouse. Holding the phone between her ear and shoulder, she slipped off her school tights and changed into a pair of slim black leggings and threw on a comfy dark red checked shirt over her patterned white vest top.

“So….you recovered from Sarah’s party?” Jackie asked casually, causing Lola to sigh

“Yeah…guess so. Wasn’t too serious” she said, flipping the front of her blonde hair off her face.

“You gotta be kidding me” Jackie scoffed.

Lola sat on the edge of her bed, holding the phone to her ear and running her index finger firmly over the material covering her sore scars. She promised herself and Jackie that she had stopped harming herself for good, and that she was past it. And she thought she was…

*PREVIOUS WEEK*

Coming home from the party and telling the long story to Jackie of the causes of her stress, the reasons behind her self harming - it bought all the repressed emotions to the surface. Lola felt somewhat better having got it off her chest, but it was still raw and difficult to explain to someone else. It bought it all back to her head.

Jackie was stunned at the truth she never expected she would hear. But after taking in all the details, she was understanding and gave Lola a long hug, making her swear that she confides in her for everything.

Lola promised but as soon as she got home that night, she still felt awful. She felt hopeless, like the main elements of her life were getting too much and she was drowning. Family. School. Peers. Her 70 year old neigbour used to see her in the mornings walking to school and say ‘Dont worry Lola, the sun will shine one of these days and it will be just for you’. She never forgot it, and always wondered when the day would come that something amazing happened in her life.

Telling Jackie about the consistent abuse she recieved from a certain boy made her realise how much it controlled her life. It used to be a daily hassle, but had turned into something more serious, always at the back of her mind. Harry Harry Harry.

Returning home, a lump formed in her throat as she slammed the bathroom door shut, locking the bolt and slumping down against the white wood. Her knees tucked up to her chest as she sobbed quiety into her legs, sporadic teardrops rolling down her thighs and over the damaged skin of old fading scars.

Her sobs ceased and she looked up at the quiet bathroom, the window outside black from the dark night sky. A razor blade glinted in the light of the bathroom and the air was silent. All she could see was the shine that came off the fresh new metal, never been used, so sharp and perfect. She could only hear the sound of her breaths and heavy heart beat, as she room stood still.

Lola felt that familiar old feeling returning to her inside, the strong attraction to that dangerous blade and how much needed relief and distraction the physical pain would bring her from the emotional. She was having a debate within herself.

‘Dont do it Lola, you promised’

‘But it will make you feel better’

‘Then it will make you even worse’

‘But I just need it to stop the pain’

Her breaths quickened as she fought between right and wrong. What she needed to stay away from and what she craved so badly. Her eyes battled with the razor blade sitting so perfectly still on the sink top, begging to be used. Almost like she could hear it calling her name, offering help and temporary release.

Her mind flashed back to the memories of the party last night. The sweaty dizzy feeling as she danced , the humiliation and the cruel smirk on Harry’s face as she realised what he’d done. The hatred that grew as she realised she was always going to feel inferior and never able to get the better. She couldn’t win. He’d always find a way to get to her. With his trickery, emotional abuse, knocking her around or throwing poisonous words at her.

She picked her worn out body up from the floor and fumbled for the razor on the sink, holding it in her palm like a weapon of destruction. She clenched her jaw and held her breath as the cold metal touched her hot delicate skin.

Closing her eyelids shut, she waited for the pain as the blade glade slowly and firmly down her thigh, recreating all the old purple marks representing past hard days.

There were a few seconds of still silence before the pain kicked in, and her flesh stang. Then a feeling of relief washed over her, what she wanted so badly. Lola’s vision wobbled as a few warm tears escaped her eyes, landing on the fresh cuts she’d just created.

Looking down at the bleeding skin, Lola felt dizzy, mixed thoughts swarming her mind. The tear trails dried up on her skin and her breaths relaxed.

‘What have you done’

‘You promised’

*PRESENT NIGHT*

“Well, you know everything now don’t you. Let’s just forget about it for now, I have One Tree Hill to watch. Lucas is waiting for me” she joked, pulling her laptop out for under the bed and sitting it on the mattress.

“Yeah remember what I told ya, and ring me in a bit! Laters” Jackie said before hanging up. Lola had just gotten onto the right website to catch up and plugged her earphones in before she heard her name being called.

Yanking the earphones out, she huffed and pulled open the bedroom door.

“Lola, you and Jake come down here now, John’s children are here and dinner is nearly ready” Christina called, putting on the posh voice of a perfect house mother. Lola rolled her eyes and knocked on Jake’s door before heading to the staircase.

She folded back the sleeves of her checked shirt so they were rolled up by her elbows and headed down the stairs. Christina and John stood at the bottom, by the open door as a girl walked in.

Lola was suprised at how pretty she was, and….old? She had expected John’s children to be, well.. children. This girl must have been around twenty years old, she had chocolate brown hair and eyes, pale skin and a few freckles over her nose. She had a slim body and wore black tights and a casual playsuit with a chunky cream knitted cardigan over the top.

John greeted her with a quick hug and introduced her to Christina first. Lola stood there on the fourth step, watching as they made acquaintences.

“This is Lola…” John said, gesturing towards her and his daughter gave her a warm smile “This is my daught- ah and here’s my son too” he said, opening the door as he waited for him to walk up the pathway to the house.

Lola raised her eyebrows waiting to make judgement on his son before he stepped in and made her heart start pounding straight away. It wasn’t that he was a beautiful young man and it was love at first sight or anything. Oh, no..

Her stomach dropped as Harry Styles walked through the front door, a charming smile on his face as he greeted his Dad and Christina. Lola felt her breath hitch and an increased heart rate as she took a second look, making sure she was certain it was him.

“My daughter Gemma…” John said, and then giving the lad a pat on the back. His chesnut brown curls were messy and swept towards the left across his head. He wore dark jeans, a simple white t-shirt, his slightly defined muscles evident and a rope pendant hanging around his neck.

Lola’s breath hitched in her throat, and she sensed her little brother coming down the stairs behind her. Closing her eyelids for a brief second, she exhaled heavily and forced a smile at Gemma, a bundle of nerves swimming in her stomach.

“And this here, is my son, Harry” John said, Harry looking up the girl he hoped would be a hot young girl he could get lucky with. Oh, no. His eyes widened in shock as he saw Lola standing on the staircase, shooting daggers at him.

Did not expect that

THIS IS NOT MY STORY. It is avalible on xxfan1direction.tumblr.com She is the writer and ALL credit goes to her. She is also on ondirectionfanfiction.tumblr.com as MegenX