I'm Sorry (Sequel to "No Feeling")

Chapter 13

Scott POV

I took an alternate exit out of the hospital. I couldn't even think about facing Kevin.

As I sat in my car, I found myself having deja vu.

Before long, I was sitting at the familiar creek, staring into the clear water.

What had I done?

I'd kissed Mitch unexpectedly, probably ruining any chance I'd had with him, and destroying Marleah's trust too.

Why had I done it?

Simple. I loved him. I loved Mitch more than anything or anyone.

What could I do to make it better?

That was the tough part.

As I drew circles in the water, I pondered this question.

First, I'd probably have to call Marleah. Not Kevin. Kevin was the only one who could potentially be on my side right now. I wasn't going to mess that up, too. If I called Mar in an hour, she could let out the brunt of her anger on the phone and not when I tried to approach her in person.

Then, I'd ask her how Mitch was. I wasn't expecting him to react so... badly to my kissing him. I thought he would, I don't know, suddenly wake up and magically remember who I was and everything that had happened to us.

After we'd talk for a while, and I'd explain to her, my side of things. She knew all the awful things I'd done, but she didn't know I'd actually cared about Mitch. I'd done stupid things, but not anymore.

I would ask her to tell Mitch I'd changed. Tell him that I wouldn't hurt him anymore. That I'd love him and make him feel beautiful, because he was.

Thinking about it, I started to cry.

First, it was a little sting in the corner of my eye, and then it was one burning drop that escaped from below my lid, then suddenly, it was a torrent of hot little dots streaming down my face.

I tried counting them. 1...4...8...13... But I lost count too quickly.

I cried, and I yelled a little bit, too.

I was tired. I was frustrated. Life was playing games with me, the same way I'd played games with Mitch.

Is this what it had felt like? When he loved me, but I constantly hurt him in return? When he went out of his way to make sure all my smallest, most insignificant, unimportant needs were all met with no complaints, but I never so much as asked him what he wanted for his birthday.

As I cried, I wondered what he'd seen in me.

I was rude to him in public, arrogant, a bully.

But I thought back again, to our meetings behind closed doors. When I saw him smile and it warmed my heart, when I'd buy him chocolate-chip waffles, when I'd helped him afford to buy a new phone, after I shattered his by being a "bully" at school.

There were moments, though few and far between, where I showed him something. I hadn't shown him love, I don't think. But, affection. And attention.

Staring at my reflection in the water, it all made sense to me. Why he stayed with me during that year.

Marleah had said it pretty well. "People change, Scott." She had said. "...Mitch knows that."

He believed I could change, that I could be kinder, more patient, love him, if he just gave me time.

He put up with all my silly rules and ridiculous behavior, because he believed that one day, eventually, one day, I would change for the better.

He believed I could become a good person, the one he always saw in me.

But, then I left. And the heartache I'd put him through caused him to break down.

I'd proved him wrong then, and I'd proved Marleah wrong now.

I hadn't changed. I was still selfish, arrogant, and thought only about my wants and needs.

But I also loved Mitch. And I knew, the only way to him was through Marleah.

And the only way through Marleah was proving to her that I could be selfless and loving.