Poetry Collection

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Out of all the toxic people suffocating my life I chose you. Out of every problem, every bleeding word, every scar, I chose you.
I had fleets of things far nastier, far more lethal, far more willing, trying to break me. I had monsters clawing at me from all sides and within, and yet I still chose you.
I chose you to crumble me. I ignored the words spat at my ears and the depression ripping at my seams. I remained calm as the worst of my life rose at my feet. Like standing in a room slowly filling with water. Even as it flooded above my head and my lungs hurt and my eyes were snapped shut, I filled my brain with peaceful things and refused to drown. 
But then I chose you. You were calm, quite, and happy. I laid my calloused self in your hands and chose you. You didn't even mean to. You didn't even know you did. You didn't try.
Maybe that's what made it so bad. A billion treacherous things threatening me all at once and I chose to be hurt by the one that didn't want to.
Maybe that's what's so wrong with me.
I chose you to hurt me, and let my sorry self think you did the same.